“And Gigi wanted a pony when she was six, but I knew she couldn’t take care of one,” Kincaid says.
I glare at him, angrier with my president than I’ve ever been before. “Are you saying I’d be a shitty dad?”
“Not at all. I’ve seen how you are with children, but marriage is sacred, Apollo. It’s not something you enter into because a woman shows up needing something. She doesn’t have to be married to a man she hardly knows to raise a child.”
“I’ve told her all of this. I explained that she’d have the support she needs. It’s that upbringing she had at that fucking cult. She feels soiled and dirty. Terrified she’s ruined her chance at getting into Heaven. She’s afraid she’s going to doom her child to the very same fate.”
Shadow huffs, shaking his head. “Those type of people do so much lasting damage.”
“It’s programming,” Dominic says, disgust clear in his tone. “We’ve seen the same shit with prisoners of war.”
“Lying to your brothers isn’t fair either,” Kincaid says, getting us back on track.
“This is her lie, not mine, but I don’t want to destroy her faith in me either. I promised to help her no matter what she decides. This is what she wants.”
“I think she’s asking too much of you,” Dominic argues.
“It’s my sacrifice to make.”
Kid leans back in his chair, a frown on his face. “Two weeks ago, you were hooking up with two women from Jake’s.”
“Legend talks too damn much,” I mutter.
“My point is that this isn’t love. Kincaid is right. Marriage is sacred, man. Are you expecting it to be a real marriage? Because I have to say, I’m a little uncomfortable if you’re expecting to have all the same benefits as a man truly in love.”
“There are no… benefits,” I say, my eyes dropping to my hands.
“So you’re going to go from sleeping around, getting laid multiple times a week, to complete abstinence?” Disbelief floods Kincaid’s question.
“No, I—”
“Do not open your mouth and tell us that you’re going to still hook up with other women,” Dominic growls. “That’s not what marriage is about. Goddamn it, Kincaid. Talk some sense into him.”
I look to my president, hoping that he can see the determination in my eyes. There’s no talking me out of this. Maybe at a later date, I’ll take a long hard look and evaluate the insanity of that decision, but that’s not going to happen right now.
“Is there anything that will change your mind?”
“Short of April saying she doesn’t want this? No.”
Kincaid nods, taking a long breath as he sits further back in his chair, resignation on his face. He knows I won’t fold on this.
“Do we need to leave? I completely understand if you don’t want to be witnesses to a sham marriage.”
No one immediately answers, and unease swims in my blood.
“I would never hurt her.”
“We know,” Dominic whispers, still unhappy that I can’t be talked down.
“I won’t cheat on my wife.”
“But you’ll live in a sexless marriage?” Kid asks.
I take a long suffering breath, having no clue how to explain things so they’ll understand, but I know I have to try. “My mother died of scleroderma. I knew I would never risk passing that on to my children. It’s why I got snipped at such a young age. I’ve always known that any children I raise will never be mine. April is giving me the opportunity to be a father. I will love that child as my own. That connection, that family is worth spending eternity with only my hand to get me by. You say marriage is sacred, but so is fatherhood.”
Kincaid nods. “Being a father will be the greatest joy you’ll ever experience.”
“I know,” I agree. “Do we need to move out?”
Dominic shakes his head. “We’d never ask that of you or her. But it bears reminding that getting married isn’t a condition of her being here. She could stay regardless.”
“She can have her own room,” Kincaid adds.
“I’ll see what she wants.”
“You need to tell her that no one will bring it up, but no one believes the lie you guys told. She won’t have to speak about the real baby’s father. No one is going to ask her about it, but you need to encourage her not to open her mouth and lie. This club wasn’t built for that,” Kincaid says.
I nod. “I’ll talk with her.”
“She wouldn’t be here if she didn’t trust you,” Kid begins. “Maybe something will grow from this. Crazier things have happened around here.”
“There’s nothing going on.”
“She’s an adult,” Kid says as if I need the reminder. “Granted she was sheltered in a cult, and she probably has no real idea of how the world works, but she’s capable of making her own decisions.”
“What are you getting at?” I ask with narrowed eyes.