“Nope,” he says, waving a hand in front of me. “None of that. You’re not a compound wife. You’re going to be my wife, and if you have a problem with something, I want you to speak up.”
“I couldn’t do—”
“Consider it another rule. For this to work, you have to talk to me. I’m not a mind reader.”
“But as my husband you’ll know what’s best for me.”
“I may have opinions. Okay. I’m going to have a lot of opinions, but without knowing how you truly feel about something, I can’t make an educated suggestion. Promise me.”
“I promise.” I chew on my bottom lip, wanting to ask so many questions, but still feeling like it would be out of line to do so, regardless of his insistence.
“What is it?” he finally asks after the waitress stops by to take our order.
“You don’t want children.”
“How do you figure?”
“You said you had a vasectomy,” I remind him. I only know what that means because of health class at school.
“I didn’t have the procedure done because I didn’t want kids. Scleroderma runs in my family. I didn’t want to risk passing it down to my own children.”
“I don’t know what that is.”
“Simply put, it’s a disease that affects the skin, internal organs, and connective tissue. The body basically begins to turn to stone.”
He goes on to tell about how his mother suffered before dying during his junior year in high school. The pain from her loss is still clear on his face all these years later, and it makes me wish for a connection to my own mother, but those ties were severed shortly after moving to Knight Salvation. Children there aren’t taken care of by their own mothers. The women too old and too young to bear children took those responsibilities, giving the women capable of having babies more time to focus on servicing Charles and providing him with more offspring.
I listen intently while he speaks, trying my best to focus on his words rather than how handsome his face is. I quickly find that focusing on his mouth rather than the unique shade of his blue eyes doesn’t help me any in my attempt to not see him as the man I’m going to spend the rest of my life with.
I can’t let myself get sucked into something that’s going to make me lose my head like I did with Cory. This is little more than a business transaction, although I seem to be the only one benefitting from the arrangement.
Why does he have to be so good looking? Why am I noticing how strong his hands are even when he’s holding his fork with gentleness? Why has my brain decided that he’s even more handsome than I once thought Cory was?
The meal goes by too quickly and not fast enough at the same time. It’s weird for me to be left alone with a man, and the times Cory and I were able to sneak away were always brief and filled with me looking over my shoulder, wondering if one of the other girls from the compound had ratted me out.
“Do you think that woman is going to be mad that we didn’t come right back?” I ask as we pull up in front of the clubhouse.
“Emmalyn? She never really gets mad, plus the reception was rescheduled for Monday after the actual ceremony. I’m sure she’s ecstatic that she has more time.”
“Isn’t it bad that they’re planning something nice?”
“Why?” he asks as he turns off the ignition. “We really are getting married. We should celebrate that.”
I just nod, my fake smile in full force as I wait for him to come around and help me down.
Cara comes to me the second we get inside.
“We need to talk,” she tells me, her eyebrows raised, making it clear I’m not going to be able to brush her off this time. She looks over at Nate. “Kincaid wants to speak with you.”
“I’ll be back shortly,” he says before bending down to press his lips to my forehead.
Cara doesn’t speak, and I don’t pull my eyes from his retreating form until he disappears inside a room and closes the door behind him.
Chapter 6
Apollo
How is it that I’m nervous walking into this room, hands trembling a little in the pockets of my jeans, but when I was at the county clerk’s office, thinking I was mere minutes from getting married, all I felt was a sense of calm?
Having this conversation with Kincaid is causing more tension in my shoulders than a lifelong commitment to a woman I barely know.
I look around the room as I enter, noting Kincaid, Dominic, Shadow, Kid, and of all people fucking Thumper. I frown in his direction, not at all surprised to see him in here but agitated that I have to have this conversation in front of him. I know he’s been brought back fully into the fold. Everyone wants him at the clubhouse, and there’s no arguing that he’s an integral part of Cerberus, but this isn’t his business no matter how loosely he’s connected to the situation. He and Cara are together, and April may be her sister, but she’s also her own woman, capable of making her own decisions.