I looked back over the water again. "I'm not particularly interested in being hurt."
My father laughed and I turned to look at him feeling annoyed at his amusement at my expense. "Nobody wants to be hurt, Noah. But I can tell you from experience that having the soul-deep love that I'm talking about is worth whatever you have to pay to have it."
I knew he was talking about my mother, and the loss of her. But this wasn't the same thing. He had that soul deep connection with my mom, and he knew it went both ways. While I believed Andi was into me, I couldn't be sure that somewhere down the line someone might not influence her to distrust me again.
As I drove home that night to make her dinner, I began to look for different ways I could protect myself and still move forward. Was there a way that I could see her and satisfy that part of me that wanted to be around her, while still protecting my heart until I could know for sure how she felt about me?
At 7 o'clock when I opened my door to her in her beautiful red dress and her long wavy hair and that sweet yet sassy smile, I knew that I wa
s totally fucked.
28
Andi
I drove out to Noah's place a nervous wreck, which was weird because I'd known and been sparring with him for three years now. Tonight, I was like a schoolgirl on a first date desperate for the boy that she loved who she wanted to love her back. There is a part of me that hated how vulnerable I was while at the same time, it also gave me hope that perhaps I was capable of having a love like Kellie, Natalie and Jess had, that was if Noah felt the same about me. I suspected that he cared about me, but love?
The words he said and the way he had touched me earlier in the day gave me hope that this relationship could go somewhere but that hope quickly diminished when I arrived at Noah's and there was something different about him. He was all smiles and charm, but at the same time there was something that made me feel distant from him. At first, I put it off to the awkwardness of how our relationship was changing. Before we were always sniping at each other or talking about business. This was really the first time we were on a date, except for the breakfast we had in Hong Kong.
When I entered his place, I followed him to the kitchen where he handed me a glass of wine and I leaned against the counter as he continued to cook with his back to me. The fragrant smell of garlic and fresh vegetables filled the kitchen.
"I didn't peg you as being a good cook," I said to him.
He shrugged as he used his spoon to stir the vegetables. "When my brothers moved out, it was just me and dad, and he taught me all sorts of things, including how to cook."
He hadn't turned to look at me when he spoke, and his affect remained flat. I looked down at my wine as new concern grew. Had something happened between the time he left that afternoon and now to change his mind about me?
I remembered Jess saying that I could be projecting my own fears and concerns, so I tried to push them away and focus on the lovely dinner Noah was making.
But as the small talk continued, my agitation grew until I couldn't stand it anymore. "You know, if you don't want me here, I can just leave," I blurted out, setting my wine glass on the counter.
He turned around his brows furrowed like I'd lost my mind. I probably had. Someday I'd have to learn to control my outbursts, but apparently now wasn't the time.
"If I wanted you to go, I would tell you so," he said, moving the pan off the burner and then turning around, and crossing his arms as he looked at me. "What burr crawled up your ass?"
I bristled at his tone and yet at the same time, I had a little thrill too. "You're the burr."
He arched a brow. "Only you would get your panties in a bunch over a guy cooking a nice meal for you in his house. It's no wonder —" He clamped his jaw shut as if he was stopping himself from ending his sentence.
I stiffened, fisting my hands. "It's no wonder, what?"
His eyes were hot and intense as he took a step towards me. "It's no wonder that you scare men away."
I felt the sting of his words in my gut and it spurred me on. "Maybe I need to find braver men then."
He stepped closer still and I could feel this is the heat of his nearness. "Maybe you should."
"You never struck me as being a coward, Noah."
"Who said I was?"
Our faces were inches apart and the anger now felt suspiciously like arousal. "You did. You said you were afraid of me."
"No, I didn't. I said other men are afraid of you. But I'm standing right here, right now listening to you berate me while I'm making you a nice dinner."
I didn't like how this was turning around to make me look like the bad guy. "Well, if I'm so difficult to get along with, why are you even bothering?"
His hands settled on my hips as he slowly pushed me until I was backed up against the counter again. "How many times do I have to say it, Andi? Or show you? Because it seems to me that I've been quite clear about why I'm why I'm sticking around."