He laughed. "Well fine for you and Andi usually involves bickering."
I laughed. "There was some of that, definitely. But we got along fine." He didn’t need to know how she accused me of being the hacker.
"I thought that maybe the two of you would sort out whatever it was going on between you two. I've always had the feeling that maybe the two of you were attracted to each other, but for some reason didn't want to be."
My instinct was to deny it, but this was my dad, and when it came to advice about everything, whether it was about women or even motorcycles, he was the man that I trusted to help me sort it out. "You could say that we worked some of that out."
My father's face remained impassive and I could only imagine what he was thinking.
"The truth is I like her. A lot. I have for a long time, but because she worked for Gran, I couldn’t be with her,” I explained.
My father frowned. "Why? Of all your brothers who ignored that fraternization role, you're the one who is exempt. You don't work for the company. Even as a contractor, I don't think that rule would apply to you."
"Maybe not, but if I mess things up or something went wrong that could cause problems between her and Gran or for me and Gran.”
My father nodded. "You always were the one to avoid anything that could get too messy emotionally."
I was another thing I was going to deny, but then I realized he was probably right.
"I like the idea of you and Andi together. You both are like yin and yang, two puzzle pieces that snap together. You challenge each other. But I'm getting the sense from you that you have some hesitancy."
I nodded. "Just before we flew back, she accused me of betraying Gran."
My father stared at me like maybe he hadn’t heard me right.
"That would never happen. Andi knows that.”
I shrugged. "Apparently she doesn't. The worst part about it was that Chen was the one who fed her all the bullshit." I shook my head as even now thinking about it stuck in my craw. "The thing is, when I'm around her, I can't help but want to be with her. It's only times like this when I'm not around her that I wonder what the hell I'm doing risking a relationship with a woman who's already shown that she doesn't trust me.”
My father nodded in understanding. "Trust is one of the most important things you need in a successful relationship. Does she still not trust you?"
"I don't know about the trust part. She’s sorry for accusing me of betraying the family. And I believe it’s sincere. But if someone she hardly knew could talk her into thinking I could do that, what does that say about the type of man she thinks I am?"
"I can see where you would have doubt. That would be something that would bother me as well.” My father’s agreement made me think I needed to cut my losses.
“So, you think I should just forget it? Once I finish this thing with Gran, I should just head on up north?"
My father leaned forward resting his forearms on the table. "Were you thinking of not going north because of Andi?"
I looked down because it was hard to admit to myself much less my father just how much Andi had gotten under my skin. "I don't know. Maybe."
My father sat back and thought about my words for a moment. "I can't tell you what to do, Noah. Are you in love with her?"
Now I wished I’d taken my father up on that glass of wine. "I don't know. How do you know when you're in love? All I know is I like being around her.” Like wasn’t a strong enough word. Yearned was closer to the truth.
"If you were in love, you’d know it. The fact that you're not sure, should tell you something."
"She's not the one for me?"
My father shook his head. "I don't know if she's the one for you or not. But unlike the songs, love isn't always instantaneous. Sometimes it grows. If you like her and want to be with her, and she's made you second-guess your plans to go up north, then maybe you need to stick around and spend more time with her. Then you would know if she was the one for you, and you both would learn to trust."
“I've known her for three years now, dad. Do you really think we need more time to get to know each other?" With those words, I realized the real source of my concern. Yes, Andi and I had often acted like adversaries, like two boxers dancing around each other, but we’d done it for three years. So certainly, we knew each other pretty well. Especially since Andi was often invited to family events and my grandmother confided in her, probably about things I didn't want to know about. Andi knew me very well, and still chose to consider what Chen had told her.
"The thing is, Noah, it sounds like maybe your relationship shifted on this trip. So, while you have known each other for a long time, the both of you have played a type of role. A role where maybe you really weren’t yourselves. When you're in a relationship, you have to be yourself and that can be scary and vulnerable. The thing about love is that what makes it so sweet and pure isn't simply a notion of two people who love each other. It is the fact that each completely trusts the other. That they're willing to open up with all their hopes and dreams and fears and emotions. When that goes both ways, the payoff is beyond anything you can imagine."
"And what if it doesn't go both ways?"
My father looked down for a second and then back up at me. "Well, then it can hurt."