"Jesus, Carter. I was joking," Noah said.
"If I needed her help, professionally, what better way?" I said, not really meaning it, and yet at the same time there was something very compelling about the idea.
"For one, if you think she had problems dating the boss’s son, she can’t be too keen on fucking her client," Noah said. He looked up at Andi. "And stop hitting me, because you know it's true."
I was done with this intervention, so I stood to let them know I wanted them out. "I have some numbers to crunch. So, you can all leave now."
They all took the not-so-subtle hint, and stood one by one, leaving my office. Only Ryan stalled by the doorway. “Seriously, Carter, don't throw yourself down a flight of stairs or fake an injury. It's tantamount to lying, and you don't want to start a relationship like that.”
I was going to call him out on that since he’d had a fake marriage and was now married with a baby on the way. But I had to consider he was speaking from experience since there'd been a time before they were married that things had gone seriously south between them.
My only answer to him was a curt nod. But when the door shut, I couldn't help but wonder what would happen if I could have Jess living in my house where I'd be able to woo her 24/7.
14
Jess
My clients always went through several phases during physical therapy. Usually on the first day, there was optimism about getting welcome back to normal, but within a few minutes, they usually became surly and grumpy as they realized their limitations were severe, and how long their recovery would take. Many worried that their recovery wouldn't be a hundred percent.
The next phase was filled with determination to reach their goals and beyond. That determination often alternated with a sense of despair that their efforts weren't paying off. Eventually as some tasks became easier and they grew stronger, they’d enter the next phase in which they felt like they could do more than what they actually could. I'd been in that phase with Alex for a little while now, doing my best to encourage and push him, while at the same time restraining him from doing something that would reinjure his back.
But now I could see that he was approaching fully recovered. He would always need to be careful, as the back could be easily reinjured. But it wasn't long now before he wouldn't need me. In fact, it was possible I could reduce my time with him to just a day or two a week.
In some ways, that was good because it would allow me to take on another client in my transition from working with Alex to working with somebody else. And it would also reduce the chance of my running into Carter. I needed to stay away from him, but just thinking about not seeing him again wasn't easy to bear. It was inevitable that eventually he would find out about Tanner because I knew things like that happened. Secrets always came out eventually. Someday Tanner would be asking about his father, and one day he would be old enough to go looking for him on his own. They would both be livid with me when they found out I had denied them the chance of knowing each other. But I still couldn't wrap my brain around how I was going to have that discussion.
But it wasn’t time for me to ponder that. I had a client to focus on.
Alex had worked hard today, and instead of his usual exhaustion, he was more energized.
"I want to go in the water," he said as he gulped from the large glass of water his housekeeper had left on the terrace for us.
"You're not ready for surfing, Alex."
He shook his head. "I just want to swim."
I nodded, because in fact swimming was a good exercise for him at this point. The water offered support and yet resistance for a workout that included the entirety of his core.
He grinned at me like a schoolboy. "Thank you, mother."
He hurried, as much as was safe for him, down the terrace steps and out to the beach. I laughed and took a seat at the table to watch him.
After I jumped Carter in his SUV, I was afraid he might tell his father what had happened. He was so close to his family and it appeared that he didn’t keep any secrets from them. The last thing I needed my client to know was how I straddled his son in the front seat of the car. But I didn't get the vibe from Alex that he knew about that. As it turned out, it appeared that Carter had some restraint on some information he shared with his father.
As I sat my glass down on the table, I noticed a flowery box that was worn at the corners. The lid was slightly ajar and inside I could see photos. Intrigued more than I was concerned about being caught snooping, I pulled the box to me and took out a stack of photos. The first photo was a picture of a very much younger Alex next to a beautiful woman, whom I noted was wearing the same dress Alex had lent me the other night. She wore it so much better than I had, I thought.
Standing in between them was a towheaded boy missing his front teeth. Next to him was a slightly younger blonde child, looking grumpy. Alex's wife was holding a tiny baby in her arms. Alex was holding a child who looked to be maybe one or 18 months old. I knew in an instant, that toddler was Carter. Tanner looked exactly like that when he was around a year old.
I swallowed the guilt that rose. The next picture was similar, but taken maybe a year or two later. The youngest child, Noah, was now about a year and a half and sitting next to him was Carter at about three years old. I could just as easily swap out a picture of Tanner for Carter.
I dropped the photos back in the box as tears welled in my eyes. There were tears of sadness that Tanner didn't have what Carter had in these pictures. There were tears of anger that I was the one keeping him from having it. And tears of frustration because I didn't know what to do. Or maybe they were tears of fear because I knew what to do, I was just too terrified to do it.
I picked up the photo with Noah and Carter again, marveling at how much Tanner looked like him. I went to the next picture, a full family photo from about the same time. Emotion tore through me as I realized that if Carter was sincere in his idea that we could be together, I could give Tanner all this. A mom and a dad and a family.
But I couldn't get past what he said to Noah about not wanting to marry or have a family. And even if he was sincere, there was no guarantee that we would be happy in the long run. We really only had one week four years ago. One week living in a fantasy world. There was no way to know if that was something that we could build a lifetime on.
But I really couldn't afford to be selfish much longer. Yes, there was guilt that I hadn't told Carter yet, but I didn’t know how I would live knowing that I deprived Tanner of this, or of the potential of this. He meant everything to me, and if my own selfishness and fears prevented him from having a father and a grandfather and uncles, I wouldn't be worthy of him.
Motion on the beach caught my attention and I saw Alex making his way back up to the terrace. I was pleased at how happy he looked. I put the pictures away, and sat waiting for him. He came up and took a seat, picking up his water for another long drink.