"Yes, the magical journey that resulted in Tanner?"
I nodded. “Yes, that one. Well, as it turns out, my boss, Alex, his son Carter, is the man that I'd been with on the cruise.
Reggie's eyes widened in surprise. "What are the odds?"
I shrugged and looked down into the wine I wasn't drinking. "Apparently, the odds are good, because my boss’s son is the man I met on the cruise. And the thing is, he seems to have remembered me as fondly as I remembered him."
"Why do you say that like it's a bad thing?"
"It just feels like a bad thing. The truth is, he was driving me home tonight because I'd had a little too much Margarita, and we ended up having sex in his SUV."
Reggie stared at me, her eyes blinking, and then she shook her head. "I'm not sure I completely understand the problem here. You were with him for a week on the cruise, and had a magnificent marvelous time that you've never ever forgotten, and it has prevented you from even wanting to date anybody else. And now he's here and he's interested in you again, and you just had sex, and unless it was really bad sex, I’m failing to see the problem. Did you tell him about Tanner?"
I shook my head and this time I did take a sip of wine, mostly because I didn't want to tell her about my deception. It was more proof that I was a terrible person.
"So, what's stopping you? You like him and he likes you, and he's the father of your child. I don't understand what the problem is."
"What Carter and I had in Mexico was magnificent, but I don't know that it was love. And now, sure, I’m attracted to him, seeing him brings back that magical week, but we’re in the real world. In many ways he's the same man, but in another sense, he's different. I mean, I knew he had money back then, but I didn't realize how much or the type of power he had. He tried to give me a car and then he told me that if I lost my job for being with him, he would get me another one. Just like that," I said snapping my fingers. "Whatever he wants. He gets."
Reggie arched an eyebrow at me. "He wants you and yet he can't have you."
"I guess I'm the one thing he can't buy because he certainly tried to."
"Was he trying to buy you or was he just being generous because he likes you? I still don't understand why if you are attracted to him, which we know to be true because you slept with him, why are you so resistant to it? Why not see where it can lead?"
"I'm just not sure if it's a good idea. For one, I overheard him saying he really wasn't interested in settling down. So, what happens if I tell him about Tanner? He could get angry or maybe even reject us both. I could probably handle it if he rejected me, but I wouldn't want to put Tanner through that." I rubbed my temple with my free hand as the headache started to come. "I think he sees this time as the cruise 2.0. We'll have a good time together for a little while and then after that, we just walk away. But I can't do that now. I have Tanner to think about."
Reggie nodded, giving me the impression that she understood what I was saying to her. But then she said, "You know, just because you’re a mom and have to work, doesn't mean you have to completely sacrifice your own interests, wants and needs. What is wrong with going after what you want? Jess, regardless of how Carter is going to respond, he really does need to know about Tanner."
I knew that was true, but I was still scared to death to tell him.
"And if he doesn't take it well, then you'll know he's not the guy for you."
I bit my lip. "What if he does want to be a father?"
Reggie narrowed her eyes at me. "That seems like it would be a good thing."
"Yes, of course, it would be a good thing. But what if he wants to be a father but he doesn't want me?"
Reggie shook her head. "Girl, you are so confusing. If he didn't want you, he would've had sex with you and tried to give you a car."
"Yes, but he did all that before he knew about Tanner. What if Tanner changes everything? Or what if we try a relationship and it doesn't work
out? He basically has enough money to fight me for custody. He could take Tanner away from me." The tears that had been threatening the moment I walked in, finally started to fall and it was clear that this was my real fear.
Reggie put her wine glass down and moved over to me putting her arm around me. "I don't know Carter, but based on everything that you said about him, he doesn't sound like the type of guy that would do that. And besides, you’re a great mother which is something that I can testify to and would testify to it if it ended up in court. There's no way he would be able to completely take Tanner away from you."
I appreciated Regina's comfort, even if I couldn't agree with her. "I know what you're saying Reggie, but I just can't risk it."
13
Carter
I didn't know what was worse, the frustration at feeling like Jess and I could make something together, or the fact that I was walking around like a sad sack, because she wasn't willing to give it a chance.
Worse still, was the fact that I couldn't seem to let it go. On the one hand, she'd been very clear that she didn't want to pursue anything with me. On the other hand, she kissed me and then fucked my brains out in my car. Why did she do that if she had no interest at all in me? It didn't make any sense.
What was clear was that she did like me, but she didn't want to. But why? The answer to that had to be Reggie. Had she cheated on him with me? She didn't seem like the type of woman that would do that, but it would explain her severe reaction after we’d had sex. But if she did cheat on him with me, wasn't that a sign that maybe she and Reggie weren't supposed to be together?