The waitress delivered our drinks, and I took a long gulp. Wow it was good. And strong. Sort of like Ryan when he wasn’t in work-only mode. I wanted to tell him to lighten up. I wanted to suggest he take a vacation. I wanted to beg him to fuck me again. Instead, I drank my schümli pflümli.
17
Ryan
I wanted to be annoyed at Kellie, but I was finding her way too adorable. She was getting drunk to spite me, or maybe simply because she decided to fuck it all and simply indulge in life. It was a side I’d never seen of her before. Then again, she was my assistant. She worked for me. So of course, all I’d ever seen was her efficiency and professionalism. Away from work was she like this? Curious. Lively. Light and free. God, I wished I could be like her. Just let go and live. Indulge in life. I couldn’t do it. Not fully. But I could make sure she did.
“Do you want to dance?” I asked her when I realized there was music playing through the restaurant.
Her eyes narrowed at me like she thought I had some sort of secret agenda. I simply stared back.
“Sure. Why not?”
She still seemed suspicious of me as I led her to the small dance area. No one else was there, but I figured people would be looking at her more than me. She was like a beacon lit from the inside out. Her smile was radiant. Her eyes glowed with happiness, and probably too much Schümli Pflümli.
“You need to lighten up, Mr. Strong,” she said as she tilted her head back and spun us to traditional Swiss folk music.
“Are you saying I’m boring?”
Her head snapped up. “No, I’m saying you’re uptight. You’re in the middle of the Alps for God’s sake. I swear to God you can practically reach up and touch the sky and what were you doing? Working. What a waste of a day.”
She wasn’t wrong. But working was the best way I knew to keep from touching her. “I’m sorry I disappoint you.”
She made a face. “No, you’re not.”
Actually, I was. The truth was, it bothered me that she had a low opinion of me. There were moments on this trip in which I felt like I was a fucking superhero, giving her experiences she might not have otherwise had. But even that wasn’t me. That was all Christian’s doing.
“I’m sorry that who I am upsets you.” I tried to clarify.
She stopped dancing and stared at me. “I’m not going to feel guilty for hurting your feelings. I’m nobody, Ryan.”
I frowned because that wasn’t true.
“In your world, I’m just the assistant, so my opinion doesn’t matter. But you have the world at your fingertips. Do you know how many people never come here? Never go anywhere, but would like to? You can go anywhere you want, whenever you want, and instead of taking in the beauty and splendor, you hide in your work.”
I felt chastised and at first, I wanted to defend myself, but since she was right, there wasn’t anything I could say.
I pulled her back to me and started dancing again as I began to consider that this little tirade was simply because she was upset at how I’d withdrawn from her.
“Are you upset because I’m not fucking you?” My tone was accusatory, and the minute the words left my mouth I felt like a douche for asking.
She laughed derisively. “Well, at least I know deep down you’re a real man.”
I looked at her, hating how disappointed in me she appeared. I couldn’t decide if I should be offended that she’d thought maybe I wasn’t a real man before, or that I was a real man now. Was it bad to be a real man? “What do you mean?”
“You think everything has to do with your dick. You don’t need your dick to enjoy the mountain air or the view of the lake. Or to listen to locals tell about their folklore. Or drink plum coffee and—”
“Or dance to Swiss music.” I was at least doing that.
“What I’m trying to tell you, Mr. Strong, is that you need to lighten up and live a little. And you need to appreciate what you have.”
I hated that she kept calling me Mr. Strong, like she was my assistant. But fuck, that’s what she was.
“I need some air.” She broke away from me and headed toward the door. As we passed our table, I tossed a wad of bills that I hoped covered the meal and tip, and followed her out. The night air was cool and crisp, jolting my brain back from the fog created by the warm restaurant and alcohol.
She stopped and inhaled as if she was clearing her head as well. “Can we walk?”
“Of course.” We crossed the street to walk along Lake Brienz.