“Give me a minute, and I’ll mess you up again.” He frowned. “I mean that in a sexual way not—”
“I know what you meant.” I laughed. But when I got into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror, my humor left as I felt so afraid. I was going to have my heart broken, that was for sure. I had to remember this was a fake marriage and while Tucker seemed to still want to be with me, it didn’t seem possible that it could last. Did I go with this for as long as I could, knowing it would end? Did I let it go until the library project was done, and then end it?
I got in the shower, doubt and desire, dreams and despair all whirling around. What I wanted and what I could have just didn’t seem to coalesce.
When I was finished washing up, I put on a robe. Tucker was asleep in bed, so I went to the kitchen to get some water. I ruminated about the same thing all the time. I’d have thought by now I’d have an answer or at least shut up about it. But I couldn’t let it go. As long as I wanted Tucker and had him here, I wanted to believe in fairy tales and happily ever after. But the reality was that this was an arrangement. Eventually, he’d move on. I was just another woman on the path until he’d had more experiences and was ready to settle down.
A knock on the door was a welcome distraction from my constant inner debate. I hadn’t turned the porch light on, so it shouldn’t have been trick-o-treaters, and yet, many were ever optimists. They went to every house, no matter what, in the hunt for sweet treats. Thinking it was a trick-or-treater at the door, I grabbed the bowl of candy I’d set on the entryway table before we left.
I opened the door ready to gush over a costume, but it wasn’t a trick-or-treater.
“Rick.” What the hell was he doing here?
“Hi Holly.” His eyes roamed over my body and I realized I had a robe on. He’d seen me naked plenty of times before, but when he left, he’d lost the right to my body.
I pulled the lapels of the robe tighter over my chest. “What are you doing here?”
“Can I come in? I want to talk. About us.”
“It’s not a good time. You should have called and let me know you were in town.”
He studied me for a moment, and leaned against the door jam. “I was afraid you wouldn’t see me and we need to talk. I want you back, baby. I know I fucked up. But I still want you. And I won’t take no for an answer.”
There was a lot I wanted to say, but I didn’t feel I could say it now with Tucker in the other room. This needed to be a private conversation in which I could dedicate my full attention to him. One where I was dressed and in a neutral place, like a restaurant.
“Like I said, now isn’t a good time.”
“Are you sick? I can take care of you. You know I make a mean chicken soup.”
I swallowed as I knew the longer that he was at the door, the greater the chance Tucker would wander out. He’d probably be naked.
“We can talk. We can. Just at another time. Okay?” I nodded, hoping he’d agree even if just by osmosis.
He nodded back. “Okay. Are you sure you’re okay? Really, I don’t mind staying and taking care of you. It would give us a chance to talk and for me to show you I’m sincere. I really am, Holly.”
“I know. Just…let’s do it another time.”
He straightened. “Okay. I’ll give you a call. We can go on a date.”
“Sure. Yeah,” I said willing to agree to anything as long as he left.
He smiled and then turned to walk back to where his car was in front of the house. He looked back, smiled and waved.
I managed a smile and a small wave back. I blew out a breath, and shut the door. When I turned, I jumped. Tucker was standing at the edge of the living area and his expression was unreadable, but I knew, it wasn’t good.
25
Tucker
When I first realized Holly was talking with her ex, I tried to be mature about it. She was telling him to leave. That was good.
But then she essentially said she knew he was sincere in his efforts to win her back and agreed to see him on a date. What the fuck was I doing here if she was going to give him another chance, I thought. I’d just fucked her brains out, and she was accepting advances from her ex.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“It’s nothing.”
“Nothing my ass. Don’t lie to me, Holly. You can do a lot to me, but don’t you dare lie.” I’d been raised to always be honest, at least about feelings. My mother seemed to think that all relationships required total honesty of emotion to survive. I didn’t always adhere to my mother’s beliefs, but that was one I found to be true.