He looked at his watch.
“Do you have a date?” I asked.
“Jesus, Trina why do you do that?”
I stared at him, not sure what he was talking about. “Do what?”
“Assume the worst of me.”
I shook my head. “I’m not assuming the worst. You checked your watch which made me think you had somewhere to be.”
“I fucked you on your table an hour ago and you think I have a date tonight?”
I hadn’t really thought it through. I could only shrug.
He shook his head. “I checked my watch to see how late it is because I want to bring you over to my place.”
“Ryder, that’s not a good idea.”
“Me. I’m not a good idea. That’s what you’re saying right? Because I’m not organized, don’t have a 401(k), and my plates don’t match, I’m not worthy of you. That’s what you mean.”
“This isn’t a game, Ryder. Those things are important. Children need routine. They need stability.”
“And I don’t offer that? That’s what you’re saying? What else is wrong with me?”
“There’s nothing wrong with you.”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “And yet, I can’t get you to come to my house.”
“You and I…we’re too different.” My brain was in a fog as it tried to navigate what he was saying. It sounded like he wanted us to be together and part of me wanted to run into his arms and see what would happen. But the smart part of me said it was dangerous. The last few times he and I had been together we’d end up in bed and then later we’d fight. I didn’t want the sort of craziness in my life after working so hard to get out of it.
Our priorities and values didn’t completely align. Then there was the fact that our temperaments were like oil and water. We’d just never mix.
“Different. Is that your nice way of saying I’m useless?” he asked.
All of a sudden, anger erupted. I shot up from my chair. “What do you want me to say, Ryder? Do you want me to lie and say it doesn’t matter that you don’t have a safe home or financial security? I’m going to have a baby. I can’t waste time on an affair.”
“Waste time?” His expression appeared shocked more than anger.
“It’s not about me anymore. That’s what I’m saying.”
“It’s always about you, Trina. Baby or not, you’d still think I was unworthy. Tell me who is worthy? Stark maybe?
”
“What?”
“He’s got money. A big fancy house. I’ve seen it. He has stability up the wazoo.”
“What are you talking about?” I shook my head at him, wondering where he got the idea that I’d be interested in Stark.
“Sinclair told me how chummy you two were. Fuck, maybe that’s why he had me play for him. He wanted to rub in how much more he could give you and the baby. Make me feel inadequate. I could have saved him the trouble. You do a perfectly fine job at making me feel worthless.”
“Ryder, you’re talking crazy.”
“Oh, so now I’m crazy?” He shook his head.
I’d never seen him like this. Ryder was always even-keeled, but now he was agitated. Angry. Maybe even hurt.