I was back at the beginning. I was given another chance to make it right. To fulfill the promises that I made to Sinclair. Now I had to hope she was wanting to fulfill them with me.
32
Sinclair
I sat on the back porch drinking the second glass of wine I’d poured since my parents left to take Alyssa to the movies. They invited me along, but I’d reached my threshold of holding it together. I couldn’t function with the weight of what I’d done hanging over me. I’d lost the man I’d loved since I was teenager because I was a selfish, insensitive idiot.
After Wyatt found out about Alyssa, I was determined to take his anger because I deserved it. I hoped that over time, I’d be able to talk to him and find a way for him to forgive me. Unfortunately, the only time Wyatt could bear to be around me was when Alyssa was there. He was always civil to me when Alyssa was around. The rest of the time he avoided me. After two weeks, I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed a respite from the tension, even if I couldn’t get away from my guilt and shame.
I made arrangements for me and Alyssa to visit my parents over the weekend.
On the drive over, Alyssa asked, “Is Wyatt going to make us leave?”
“He’s your daddy. You’ll always have a place at his house.” She’d taken to calling him Wyatt around me, which made me think she understood there was tension between us. I hated that she was trying to act in ways that didn’t upset me. I wondered if she avoided talking about me around Wyatt.
“But not you? Are you getting a divorce?”
I wanted to tell her that everything would work out, but I had no way of knowing that it would. In fact, I felt like I’d lost him for good.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen. What I do know is that your dad loves you so much. Even before he knew he was your father, he loved you. That won’t ever change. Okay?”
“He’s mean to you.”
“He’s not mean to me. He’s angry and hurt and I don’t blame him. I hope he’ll forgive me, but I don’t know.”
“I forgave you.”
I smiled at her and took her hand. “It means so much to me that you did.” It had to be different for Wyatt than for Alyssa, but I didn’t know how to explain it, so I left it at that.
When it came time to go to the movies with my parents, I knew I needed time alone to wallow. I didn’t want my parents, and especially not Alyssa, to see me come undone. Fortunately, my parents understood and took Alyssa, leaving me home alone.
I was considering a third glass of wine, when I heard a car pulling up the drive. God, are they back already? I checked my watch, but the movie hadn’t even started yet. I wanted to think it was Wyatt, but that was stupid, so maybe it was a family friend.
I stood and put my wine glass in the kitchen and walked to the front door. I stopped short when I saw Wyatt standing on the other side of the screen door.
My heart sped to a million miles a minute. Hope that he’d forgiven me sprung like a geyser even though I knew it was foolish to hope.
I pushed open the door and stepped out on to the porch. He looked different, but not better. I didn’t see the seething resentment, but the pain was there. I let out a small cry that I was the source of it.
Thinking he had to be here for Alyssa, I said, “Alyssa is at the movies with my parents.”
He nodded. “Good. I’m here to see you.”
Again, hope bloomed even though it was crazy to think he would forgive me. He gave a nod, indicating he wanted to walk and talk. I was all for that because I wasn’t sure I’d be able to hold it together if I kept looking at his pain.
I walked down the steps with him and toward the back of the house. We were heading to the old oak tree. Did this mean we were going back to the beginning to start over? Or perhaps he thought going back to the beginning was the best way to end it.
“Do you think this is where it happened?” he asked as he looked up at the oak tree. “Alyssa?”
I nodded. “Yes.”
All significant events in our relationship happened here and I was terrified it was all about to end.
“I wish I’d known. I’m sorry about that.” He let out a frustrated growl. “I missed so much.”
I wanted to soothe him, but didn’t know how.
“I won’t miss anything now. I promise.”