A possessive desire welled up in me. I wanted to seduce Laura, to possess her and make her mine once again, to be hers….
Snap out of it! I had to stop dreaming. I was engaged, even though I felt nothing for my fiancée, I had made a promise to her, and to seduce Laura would be cheating.
Not to mention that Laura’s reception of me hadn’t exactly been a warm welcome. She had smiled at me like one of those servers in burger joints—obligingly and with no real emotion. Her demeanor had been entirely professional until the pen snapped—after which, she looked a bit rattled.
She must hate me. Of course, she hated me because I’d abandoned her. Now, she was in the bathroom, probably wondering how to put up with me. Or worse, she was wondering how to politely decline the wedding planning and would tell me to find a different planner.
You left for a good reason, I told myself. Those reasons hadn’t changed. I wasn’t going to seduce another woman as she helped me plan my own damn wedding, and I sure as fuck wasn’t going to seduce her when I knew that I couldn’t be with her. A decade had passed and yet so much had stayed the same. I still wanted Laura, and I still couldn’t have her.
I must tell Mom that we’re changing event planners. I couldn’t handle torturing myself by having to see Laura all the time when I couldn’t give into my desire for her. How cruel would that be!
But I couldn’t deny Laura, or anyone, a lucrative job simply because I was a coward who couldn’t control my feelings for her. No. If she wanted to turn down the job, I would respect her decision, but I wouldn’t be selfish and take it away from her.
My initial plan had been to hand everything over to Laura and then head back to D.C. as soon as possible. From the beginning, I had wanted nothing to do with this damn wedding planning business. But now….
Hmm.
I turned away from the window and looked back at the door. I couldn’t be with her, but maybe, I could spend a little time with her and come to know the woman she’d become. So much had happened over the past decade—I was a different person, and I’m sure she was too. There was no harm in getting to know her, in reconnecting, and seeing who she had become.
Was there?
You’ll want to keep her forever, my brain chimed in. It was true, and a part of me knew it because I needed her. I wanted to remind myself again of the person she was and what she had meant to me—the sight of her standing in front of me and smiling at me, the sound of her laughter, the smell of her body, the touch of her hands on my body…. I wanted to cram in as many memories of her as I could manage.
Then, once I was married to Della, those memories could help me bear the burden of a loveless marriage.
Laura returned soon, apologizing. “I’m sorry about that. Cheap pens, you know how it is.”
She sat down with another professional smile, no indication now of her having been flustered earlier or being angry at me.
I sat down as well, smiling at her. “It’s not a
problem. As I said, we were hoping to have the wedding in September. I know June is traditional, but it’ll just be too hot, so we decided to push it back, especially since we wanted to have the wedding at the lake house instead of in some fancy hotel. I’m in town for a couple of weeks to get the initial plans rolling before heading back to D.C.”
Laura dutifully took notes as I explained, nodding to show that she was listening.
“It’s going to be a fairly large affair, and I expect the press to be in attendance, which means that everything will have to be picture perfect.”
“Of course.” Laura made a few more notes. “I understand completely. Why don’t we go through some images, so that I can get an idea of what you have in mind, your aesthetic and color scheme, that sort of thing?”
I wanted to tell her that I doubted my mother would approve any “aesthetic” that I would have chosen. She’d want to change it completely the moment she could. But…my mom wasn’t here right now. What was the harm in telling Laura about the aesthetics that I liked? Then, I could see what she liked and wanted, and I could imagine our dream— though we would never be able to have it. It was just a dream, after all. Or it was probably me being a masochist.
Laura picked up the television remote and clicked through the various images on it. “You’re in early September, so you could embrace the incoming autumn and use that for your theme. Or, you could pick up on the tail end of summer and keep with that theme. We can do pastels, neutrals, or jewel tones.”
She clicked through a few images. I tried to recall what theme Laura would look best in. With her dark auburn hair, she looked the best in dark green and pastel blue, in my opinion.
“No jewel tones,” I said. “Maybe if it was in the winter, that would brighten things up. But we’ll go with autumn colors or pastels, I think. We’re going to be on a lake, so I was thinking that shades of blue and green could be our color scheme. What do you think?”
“I think it sounds lovely,” Laura replied curtly.
“You really mean it?” I teased her, unable to help myself. “I don’t want a ‘yes man’ as my wedding planner. If I’ve got a bad idea, I want you to tell me that it’s shit.”
“Trust me, I’ll steer you in the right way,” Laura promised me. “An aesthetically pleasing event reflects well on the planner and the client, after all.”
“I don’t want it to be too…” I paused. “Too traditional. I would like it to be a bit classical—to match the house—kind of a timeless look. But I don’t want to be pigeonholed into one particular era. I like the idea of minimalism, but I hate the bohemian themes.”
Laura made several notes, nodding along. “Great! All this information should give me enough to start with the planning. I can reach out to some vendors and get their quotes and ideas, then get back to you. I want my work with my clients to be a dialogue, a conversation. That allows me to build better events that make my clients extremely happy.”
“Thank you,” I replied with conviction. Getting to spend time with Laura on this thing might be the best thing that had happened to me in ten years. Sure, it was bittersweet, but I’d rather have a little time with her than none at all.