Della shook her head. “It’s not that. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t dump all of this on you.”
“Well, I am your wedding planner,” I pointed out. “If something is wrong and you need something to change with the wedding, then I’m the person you hired to do that.”
“But what if you don’t want to get married at all?” Della asked me.
I had no answer for that. “Do you want some water?”
Della shook her head. “No, no, I’m just…I’m sorry that I’m so upset. It’s just all feeling so real now.” She paused and looked at me. “Have you ever been in a situation where you’re theoretically able to handle it, and you think that it’s going to be fine, but then as you actually experience it you realize that you can’t handle it after all? Like going on a rollercoaster and only realizing once you’re about to drop that you don’t want to be on there after all.”
I nodded. “We’ve all been in situations like that,” I assured her.
That wasn’t exactly fair. I had never been in the situation that Della and Cade currently found themselves to be in.
“I’ve dealt with plenty of other brides who felt overwhelmed,” I promised. “And sometimes they felt like they weren’t ready to get married, as they’d thought earlier. But it’s just the stress getting to you. You need to take some deep breaths and take a break and then you can get back at it.”
Della shook her head. “Were the other brides you worked with marrying someone they didn’t love?”
Oh boy! I had no idea what to say to her. Especially given my personal stake in the entire thing. I felt guilty that Della was telling me all this when she had no idea that I had feelings for her fiancé.
Before I could say anything at all, Della kept going.
“I like Cade, it’s not that I don’t like him!” she blurted out. “He’s a lovely man. Truly. I consider him to be a good friend of mine. There’s no reason why I shouldn’t be in love with him, I know that a bunch of women were so jealous when we got together. I understand how wonderful he is. I don’t want you to think that he’s a bad person, because he certainly isn’t. I just don’t want to marry him. I’m not in love with him.
“And…oh, this is going to sound so awful and arrogant, but I thought…I’m rich, and so how am I ever going to know if my boyfriend isn’t a gold digger? And how will I ever get to achieve my political dreams if I don’t marry someone who comes from a good political family? And—well, I’m sure you know this, you’re beautiful—it’s so hard when you’re pretty because men will want you just for sex and you can’t tell until it’s too late. And so I thought, well, if I can’t trust whomever I date, then I might as well date someone I know isn’t interested in me, but will treat me well and can help me achieve my political dreams.”
Della offered me a small smile. “I know it might seem naïve of me. But I do want to change things for the better. I want to keep pushing for the things that I care about. And I’d like to get all the way, as far as I can. I don’t think you can get far in politics without at least a little ambition, and I have that. I want to get into the White House. And I thought that this was worth it, that I could make this sacrifice. Why wouldn’t I marry the man I consider a close friend or even a brother? Why wouldn’t I marry the man I can trust and know will make a good team?
“But now it’s actually happening and it’s all real, and I haven’t thought about it at all and it’s coming on so fast and I feel like half the time I can’t even breathe…. And I wonder if the White House is even worth this. I wonder whether I’m going to keep having panic attacks like this, whether being married to a man I don’t love will really be worth it after all, whether we’re both going to be miserable forever and whether or not I’m making a huge mistake…”
Della burst into a fresh round of tears and I stroked her hair comfortingly. That always helped Drew when he was upset. “Just cry it out, Della, that’s good. Getting your emotions out is always good.”
I didn’t know what else to say. My mind was reeling.
“You know, I gave up on the idea of love,” she sniffled, once she’d finally gotten control of herself. “I gave up on the idea that…that someone could truly love me for me, and not for my body or my wealth or my connections. But now I wonder—was I wrong? What if I’m wrong? And now I’m throwing away my one chance to be happy by marrying someone that I don’t love, because you can’t really go back from this easily, and….”
Della started hiccupping and I got her some water. She gave me a grateful look as she drank from the paper cup.
“Go slowly and take deep breaths,” I advised her. “I know that it’s a lot to get out.”
“I just don’t want to regret this choice,” Della whispered.
I took her hand in mine and squeezed it. “Now, take my advice with a grain of salt since I don’t know you that well. I don’t know your family. But I just want to remind you that you don’t have to go through with this if you don’t want to. You can call it off, right now.”
Della shook her head and gave a soft, rueful laugh. “You don’t know what our families are like. They’ll be so disappointed. Including Cade.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at that. “If you and Cade don’t love each other like that, then Cade would probably be just as relieved as you are.”
“But what about our parents?” Della sighed and rubbed at her forehead. “They’ve put so many expectations on us. Especially Cade.”
“Just because someone gives birth to you doesn’t mean you owe them your life. I’m sure that at the end of the day your parents only want what’s best for both of you, and if this marriage is going to make the two of you truly unhappy, then you shouldn’t go through with it. It’s better to risk disappointing them now than being miserable and everyone living with that regret.”
Della threw away her soiled tissues in my trash can and cleaned herself up. Then, to my shock, she got up and hugged me tightly.
I stiffened in surprise, then hugged her back. Della clearly needed the comfort, clinging as she was to me, so I rubbed her back and soothed her.
“Thank you,” she said, finally pulling back but keeping her arms around me. “I think I just needed someone to tell me that. I haven’t really confided in anybody this whole time. I was scared, I think, that I would be told that I had to go through with it and that I was ridiculous for not being in love with Cade or not making our families happy. Cade even gave me an out the other day, suggested that I didn’t have to do this, and I didn’t take it. I was too scared and worried about letting people down.”
“But the more we plan and the more we do this, the worse it feels. The worse I feel. So, thank you, for giving me permission to feel this way. Thank you so much.”