Cade shook his head. “No. I never thought that she was, but we’ve had a couple of talks that have confirmed it. She sees me as a friend and a useful partner. She doesn’t believe in finding love.”
Sounded a bit like Caitlyn—those two might get along. I almost laughed at my own thought—friend-matchmaking between my best friend and the fiancée of the man who, in spite of everything, I still felt a strong pull towards.
I didn’t know what to think of the fact that Della wasn’t in love with him. It made our kissing a little less guilty because it meant that no one had been upset or disappointed. Della might not mind. On the other hand, it was still cheating. They were still together. And whether she was in love with him or not, she’d probably feel embarrassed and humiliated if people found out that her fiancé was making out with another woman.
Honestly, I wondered what it would be like to marry someone that you didn’t love. I hadn’t thought about marriage after Cade had broken my heart. Back then, I’d thought that we would spend the rest of our lives together. Even if I hadn’t really thought about how and when we’d get married—we still had to get through school, and I hadn’t imagined that we’d get married before graduation—I was certain that I would marry him someday because I was going to be with him forever.
After he dumped me, I hadn’t even been in a serious relationships, so marriage fell off the table. All of my energy had gone towards my career and my darling son. By the time I’d finished crying about Cade, I hadn’t been able to look at anyone else. How could I?
It wasn’t until Drew was about five years old that I’d even able to consider going out with someone. Caitlyn had encouraged me to try it out, to go on one date. What could be the harm?—which I’d found hilarious coming from her, of all people, who would shut a man down if he even tried to flirt with her—and I’d gone on a few dates here and there but nothing had ever felt right.
Probably because the man was never Cade.
“It seems wrong to marry someone that you don’t love. You’re spending the rest of your life with them, after all.”
Cade didn’t say anything, he just stared out the window.
Disappointment, bitter and irritable, clawed at my throat. I started the car. “I’ll drive you to the lake house.”
We hadn’t picked out a suit for him, but it was fine. Della was picking out her dress today so I could learn what it was and then Cade could go shopping for a tux tomorrow instead, with his new planner. I’d call the tuxedo place, explain that the event planner was changing, and make an appointment for Cade tomorrow. Easy-peasy.
Well, not easy. It wasn’t going to be easy to let Cade go. But it was for the best.
“I’m sorry,” Cade said, jolting me out of my reverie. “For what happened in the fitting room. You’re right, I can’t…it’s disrespectful to both you and Della, even if Della and I aren’t in love and have an understanding. I’ve been….” Cade took a deep breath. “I’ve been enjoying the time that we spend together too much. I’ve missed you.”
I concentrated on driving and staring out the windshield instead of looking at him, no matter how tempting it was to see the look on his face. Should I answer him?
When Cade said nothing more, I finally replied, “You’re marrying another woman, whether you love her or not. I’m glad you agree that the kiss was out of line. But talking about missing a girl you had a fling with in high school isn’t any better. It’s still crossing an emotional line even if it’s not crossing a physical one.”
“It wasn’t a fling,” Cade said, sounding firm.
I glanced at him, shocked. “You’re the one who called it a fling. The day you broke up with me and kicked me out of the lake house. Remember that? You said you were going to Georgetown and that this had been fun and all, but you had a life to live now.”
Cade said nothing, just looked out the window.
I concentrated on the road again. I had thought that Cade had run out of ways to hurt me, but it seemed that I’d been wrong. I had never been so disappointed in a man in all my life.
“I’ll send you the names of some other wedding planners once I get back to the office,” I told him, spying the lake house up ahead. “I’ll make you a new tux appointment for tomorrow, and you can go with your new planner. You’ll have Della’s dress in mind, now.”
Cade sighed. “What will it take to keep your services?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “We can’t seem to keep our hands off each other.”
I could admit to my part in this. I had wanted him for so long, that having him in front of me meant that it took little to persuade me to leap into his arms. I felt like we were both constantly on the edge of making out, that even looking at each other or being in each other’s presence constituted as foreplay.
“Well, I don’t want you to give up such a lucrative job because I was weak,” Cade replied. “And I enjoy spending time with you, I don’t just want to….” He cleared his throat before he could finish the sentence, but my pulse raced. “I could wear handcuffs to all of our meetings?”
I laughed. “You should add a muzzle as our lips keep getting you into trouble.”
“I will,” Cade said, smiling but with a serious tone, “If it’ll get me back into your good graces.”
He was being sweet. I couldn’t deny that. And I really did want—and need—this jo
b for my career. And—while I didn’t think I could ever admit it out loud to him—I missed him, too. I wanted to spend time with him and be around him, even if it was becoming more and more clear to me that I would never get to have him the way that I wanted to.
I took a deep breath. “I’ll keep planning the event. But this can’t happen again, all right? I need you to promise me this.”
Cade nodded. “I understand.”