“Same here.”
We looked out over the water together, and I hated myself for wishing that Laura be the one beside me. Della had no idea that I had feelings for someone else. She thought she was having a nice moment with a friend, and here I was pining over another woman. But I couldn’t help it. I missed Laura even more fiercely now than I had ever back in D.C. Everything I’d tried to stow away and forget about was returning full force to the surface.
I dared to feel sorry for Della, as if I was in a better position than hers, as if I had any right to feel superior to her in any way. I was in the same boat as her, except that she was passionate about politics and ready to devote her life to public service. She wanted to do great things, she had dreams and ambitions that she felt could only be realized by marrying me, or someone like me. She was making a necessary sacrifice to achieve her goals.
And what was I doing? I was doing this because I was supposed to. Because it was what my parents said I had to do.
Maybe I shouldn’t waste time on being sad for Della and spend more time feeling sad for how pathetic I was.
10
Laura
Picking out what to wear should not have been this difficult.
I stared at my closet, still wearing my robe, arms crossed. I just couldn’t seem to find anything that fit the image I wanted to project.
Caitlyn popped her head in. “Drew’s going to be late for school if you don’t put some clothes on.”
I groaned and flopped back onto the bed. “Thanks, I needed the reminder.”
“I can take him on the way to a consult?” Caitlyn suggested. “It’s not a problem.”
“Would you?” I sat up. “That would be amazing, thanks. I want to dress to impress today and I just can’t seem to decide.”
“Is this about…” Caitlyn lowered her voice. “Cade?”
“I want to show him how amazing and professional I am, and that I don’t need him. I want him to see what he missed out on, but I don’t want to dress like I’m coming onto him.”
“Wear something that’s long sleeved but form-fitting,” Caitlyn suggested. “I’ll get Drew, you just focus on work, okay? And don’t let him get to you!”
She disappeared, closing the door behind her. Don’t let Cade get to me. Right. Easier said than done. He’d already gotten to me a bit yesterday—which I couldn’t stop berating myself over.
I had let him kiss me. I’d let him get that close to me. I couldn’t let that happen again. He couldn’t know how much I still wanted him, firstly. He didn’t get to know that I still desired him, that I’d missed him, not after how he’d treated me. Secondly, he was engaged. I wouldn’t help him cheat on someone.
And yet—as irrational as it was—I wanted to look good when I saw him. I should dress up in a sack or a barrel, like in one of those old cartoons. I should refuse to do my hair or my makeup and show up looking dowdy and boring. But I wanted him to eat his heart out. I wanted him to drool over all that he wanted and couldn’t ever have. I wanted him to regret what he’d done to me and realize what an amazing woman he’d missed out on.
Caitlyn’s advice was good. I certainly didn’t want Cade to think that I was inviting him to kiss me again. I wasn’t. I was showing him what he wasn’t allowed to touch.
I found a lightweight sweater that had long sleeves, but clung to my curves, and a long pencil skirt to go with it—combined, the clothes covered most of my skin, but still showed off my body by accentuating my curves—the look being very classy. I did my hair up to complete the professional look and kept my makeup simple.
Surveying myself in the mirror, I nodded in satisfaction. I looked professional but sexy, exactly what I wanted to achieve. I didn’t look tired, either, which was a good thing. I’d tossed and turned all last night, filled with regret for what had happened. I’d slept fitfully, but when I’d finally woken up in the morning, I told myself sternly to get over it. Cade wasn’t for me and he never would be.
After all, just look at his life!
I was going to be the go-to event planner in Detroit after this wedding and nothing, not even Cade, would get in my way. He was going to marry someone else and then go live his D.C. dream, the dream that I would never fit into. And he was welcome to it! I was going to achieve my own dream, and I would be fulfilled and accomplished, damn it.
I got some work done at my office for a few hours before the tuxedo fitting, handling the nitty-gritty, behind-the-scenes work of the event, such as drawing up contracts, reviewing the budget and emailing suppliers.
When the time came to go to the tailors to meet Cade, my stomach flip-flopped. No matter how many times I told myself to stop being nervous, my body couldn’t help it. I felt betrayed by myself, that he still had such an effect on me when he didn’t deserve it.
“Laura?”
I turned, seeing Cade as I expected him to look—handsome as ever, crap—but he wasn’t alone.
Standing with him was his mother and another woman, a leggy blonde with long, straight, smooth hair and a body of a runway model.
Envy swelled in me so fast that I felt sick. Was this the woman Cade had chosen to be his bride? It had to be; she certainly wasn’t Melinda’s assistant, wearing designer clothes like that. He’d dumped me and then picked up some conventionally beautiful blonde to marry, someone who could probably star in Hollywood movies. I’d never felt so heartsick or disappointed in my life. It had been years since I’d felt this way, but all of my confidence seemed to melt away as I stared at this woman.