This guy had a death wish or was truly clueless.
“Goodbye Paul.” I crowded him out of the shop, locked the door and turned the sign to closed.
“Cyrus, what are you doing? I can’t close.”
I spun around on her. “That’s your social life?” I bit out.
“I don’t know. I just met him.” Her gaze followed me as I paced to get my own feelings under control. I didn’t get the sense that she was afraid of me. More like she was baffled. That made two of us.
Finally, I stopped. “Are you fucking other men while you’re fucking me?” I decided that was the source of my anger.
She jerked back like I’d slapped her. “What. No.” Her cheeks turned red again, but I was astute enough to know it was from anger, not embarrassment or a blush. “If you think I’m that type of woman, you can just leave my shop now, Cyrus.”
Okay, so I misplayed that one. And yet… “Then why are you auditioning new men?”
She blew out a breath. “It’s not like that. You said yourself, we’re just friend
s. And someday you’ll move on or move back home or whatever.” She turned and went back into the kitchen. I followed her there.
“So, you want a backup?”
Her back was to me as she stood at her cupcake table. “Everyone moves on, Cyrus. Except me. I love this bakery, but I can’t have it be the center of my social life. I can’t wait for people to come see me.”
“Is that what you think?”
“It’s how it is. For years, I see my friends, like April and Maya, here most of the time. I see you only here. And I’m never not here, so how can I ever expect to have a life and family? I can’t wait for my Mr. Right to walk in and order a cupcake.”
I knew the right answer then would be to end the benefits portion of our friendship. She accepted it, but deep down, she wanted a commitment from a man and I couldn’t give that to her. It was unfair to ask her to take care of my emotional and physical needs while putting her own on hold.
Unfortunately, I wasn’t a good enough man. Or maybe I lacked the strength. I still couldn’t commit to her, but I fucking couldn’t walk away right now either.
She’d been vulnerable to me and so it was my turn. I could at least give her that.
“Do you know what it did to me to see Paul lusting after you?”
She turned to me; her expression still irritated at me. “What?”
“I wanted to rip his limbs off.”
She arched a brow. Clearly, she wasn’t impressed.
I blew out a breath. “You should tell me to leave,” I said.
This time she rolled her eyes. “No. You leave if you want to, but I’m not playing your game Cy.”
“This is no game, Petal. I’m not Mr. Right. I can’t give you a family. But I can’t stop myself from wanting to be with you.”
“So, I’m supposed to stop you for my own sake?” Her voice had an edge of snark to it. “You sound like a bad romance novel, Cy. Go if you want to go. Stay if you want to stay. I’ll do what I want either way.”
“God dammit, Petal.” I raked my hands through my hair seeking strength and restraint. God how I wanted to touch her. Finally, I let out a long calming breath. “I don’t want to share. I know our agreement is friends with benefits, no strings attached, but I don’t want to share.”
“You’re not sharing. Have I talked to a few interesting men? Yes. Am I sleeping with anyone but you…well, not sleeping, fucking? No. Do I plan to form my own harem of men? No. I’m not built like that, Cy and if you think I am, then you can go.” She stopped. “I guess I am asking you to leave.” She laughed derisively. “For once you got what you wanted.”
I started to leave. I made it all the way out to the main area of the shop, next to the side door that led to the staircase upstairs to her apartment.
I turned to see what she was doing. As it turned out, I hoped to hell she was going to stop me. Jesus I was a mess.
She was leaning against a door jamb with the swinging door behind her. “I don’t know why you’re jealous.”