“She doesn’t want to interrupt my life.” I scoffed. “All I have is the business and my house. I love the business, don’t get me wrong—”
“I get it. Of course, I get it. Family is more important.” The thought for a moment. “You know much of your job doesn’t need to be done here.” He pointed toward the ground emphasizing “here.” “You could telecommute. You’re definitely the best at in-person meetings, but most of what you do is by phone or computer. Connor or I can do the in-person meetings. Of course, with our out-of-state clients, we’re using video conferencing anyway. You could do that anywhere.”
He had a point. I wondered how my mom would feel about that. She was adamant that I live my life. But as I’d told Jude, my life right now was really just my job.
Petal flashed in my mind. I blinked at Jude.
“What?” he asked.
I shook my head. “Nothing. That’s something for me to consider. Thank you, Jude.”
He stood. “Of course. We all get it, Cy. Family is important so if you need time away or want to move your work there, we support it.”
I nodded feeling grateful to have such a good friend in Jude.
Petal came to mind again. Another good friend. The first few nights I’d been at my mom’s, I’d called her. I’d felt like I was in a dark pit as I learned the full extent of my mother's illness and her treatment. I was compelled to call Petal as I needed her light. I couldn’t see her, but as her sweet voice came over the phone, I could imagine her face. Her bright smile. The light in her green eyes. It was like a dose of sunshine, light and warm.
But a few days later, when I sat on my bed to give her a call, it occurred to me that I was too attached. The need to hear her voice was acute. Like I couldn’t breath without connecting with her and that was dangerous. Already it was wrong for me to have had sex with her because of the potential complications it would cause with Jude. But now with my mother sick and my attention directed here in Chicago, I couldn’t keep reaching out to her. I couldn’t become dependent on her. So I stopped calling. And when I returned to Bismarck, I’d told myself I had to stop going to her shop. I hadn’t been able to hold myself to that rule before, but this time I was determined I would.
So as my normal time to visit Petal for my cupcake and coffee came, I stayed at my desk. As much as I wanted to see Petal, I couldn’t afford to let myself indulge my attachment to her. I couldn’t look to her to fix me when I was feeling broken. Besides, I had a shitload of work to catch up on and to keep up with as I knew I’d be flying out to see my mom again soon. My focus needed to be on my business. I owed Jude and April that. My need for Petal’s friendship couldn’t be put ahead of my responsibility and obligation to this business.
But holy hell it was hard not to walk out the door and go see her. Not just see her, but touch her. Not a night passed that she wasn’t showing up in my dreams. That beautiful smile. Her sexy curves. I cursed the situation I was in that I couldn’t take our relationship further. I’d even considered going to talk to Jude, to ask him what he’d think about my seeing P
etal.
But now it was a moot point. With my mother ill, I’d be leaving town a lot to see her. I might even move back to Chicago and telecommute as Jude suggested. It wouldn’t be fair to start something with Petal only to have me be gone a lot. Lora taught me that there was only so much absence a woman could endure. She hadn’t been willing to wait. I couldn’t ask Petal to wait either.
So I did my damnedest to push Petal out of my head and focus on the work at hand. At night, I briefly connected with Lora by phone or text on my mom’s progress, and then would call my mom to check in. After that, I exercised and worked on my home. I wanted to get it done on the off chance I did move back to Chicago and had to sell the house.
The only respite I got from the worry about my mom and pressure to fulfill my responsibilities to Jude, was at night when I slept. In my dreams, Petal would show up wearing only her apron and carrying cupcakes. She’d smile and my insides would light up. She’d drop to her knees and put those cupid bow lips around my dick. If I was lucky, I’d last long enough in the dream to when she’d ride me, her tits bouncing as she shot me to heaven.
I’d wake up with a raging hardon, and because it was the one good moment of the day, I wrap my hand around my dick and finish what the dream started. Afterward, there was longing to see her. To talk to her and find out how she was doing. Then I’d remember that she was on a dating site and a red-hot flash of jealousy would course through my blood. But there was nothing I could do about it. And in fact, if I was a good friend, I’d want her to find a good man who could love her the way she deserved.
Such was my life. Dreaming of Petal by night and worrying about my mother by day as I kept myself laser focused on my job and fighting the urge to go get a cupcake. It often felt like a losing battle, but I’d been a SEAL, dammit, I was strong enough to resist the lure of Petal.
16
Petal
I hadn’t realized just how much I’d grown attached to Cyrus over the last year until I didn’t see him regularly anymore. It seemed so innocuous that he’d come by each day for a cupcake and coffee. But the time we spent together over the course of a year, five days a week, for thirty minutes or so, added up to a lot of time. A lot of time to develop feelings that were deeper than I’d realized.
Now that I didn’t see him at all or talk to him, the hole made by his absence was acute. Surprisingly so.
But maybe it was for the best. It wasn’t wise to have feelings for my friend in the first place, and the fact that we’d crossed the line not once, but twice, suggested that no contact might be best, at least for now, if we wanted to avoid problems.
Midweek after Cyrus had stopped calling, I was in the bakery trying to ignore the fact that it was his normal visiting time, when April walked in with little Bertie in his stroller.
“Hey, two of my favorite people,” I said coming around the counter and squatting down to coo at Bertie.
“We thought we’d stop by and pick up a few cupcakes for the office before we go get Maya from school.”
I wished she’d picked up Maya first as I missed seeing my little helper. But I understood that April’s life was busy and full. I’d take what I could get. It seemed like all the important people in my life were busy. It was a bit pathetic and selfish for me to think that, and it was a reminder why I needed to hire help and find a social life outside of April and Cyrus.
“Well you’ve come to the right spot,” I said, rising and returning to the display case. “I’m guessing at least one limoncello.”
“You’ve got Jude down pat. I’m not sure what the others like,” April said.
“Dina likes the espresso and Conner generally likes the vanilla raspberry.”