I didn’t know why I felt the need to defend him. She was right, he was usually serious and intense. “I think he’s just shy.”
April thought about that. “Jude worries about him now that he’s preoccupied with me and the kids. We don’t have a sense that he’s settling in outside of the business. But he does come here, right?”
I nodded. “On weekdays, yes. Plus, he’s fixing up his house. I don’t get the sense that he’s unhappy.” Although I wasn’t sure I’d really know.
April finished her coffee. “Well, if you think of anything we could do to help him feel more like this is his home, let me know.”
“Jude would know more than me,” I said. “I just give him a cupcake and coffee a few days a week.”
April arched a brow at me and I realized my tone was a little terser than it needed to be. “You knew about his house.”
“Selling cupcakes is like being a bartender. I hear a lot of things about a lot of people,” I said. I didn’t know why I was being so evasive with her. She was my best friend and I really did want to confide in her. Of course, Maya was here so telling April that Cyrus had given me the orgasm to end all orgasms wasn’t appropriate right now. Or maybe since Cyrus had so much regret over what happened, I just wanted to forget it ever happened.
April was watching me with suspicion as she told Maya to clean up. Then she ordered a couple cupcakes to take home to Jude.
I’d only had a minute to catch my breath after they left before another stream of customers arrived. I was grateful to them for distracting me.
The rest of my weekend went as usual except I was still ruminating on being naked on my couch with Cyrus. On Monday morning, as I put the chocolate peanut butter cupcakes in the display case, I wondered how it would be when Cyrus showed up for his coffee and cupcake today. Would it be like it had been before we’d had sex? I hoped so because even if I wanted to get naked with him again, I also really wanted to remain his friend. I didn’t want it to be weird between us. I made a vow to act as normal as possible when he came in again.
That afternoon, I watched the door as I expected him to walk in at his usual time. But he didn’t. Nor did he arrive late. He didn’t come at all. My rational mind told me he probably had a good reason. Maybe something came up at work. But emotionally, I felt pain. I was certain he was avoiding me.
The rest of the day, I felt like I was moving around with lead in my legs and fog in my brain. It was shocking how down I felt at not seeing him again, especially at knowing it was because he regretted what had happened on Friday night.
9
Cyrus
Becoming a Navy SEAL had been no easy feat. It required physical strength but also an iron strong mental toughness. So it was disconcerting how quickly my willpower had abandoned me and I was overcome by the petite, sweet, sexy Petal. Through the course of the Halloween party, all my resolve to not touch her withered away and I’d taken her on her couch like a fucking caveman. How I hadn’t hurt her I didn’t know. Well, actually, I did hurt her but not physically. The knowledge that I’d taken advantage of her didn’t sit well.
Then there was the realization that I hadn’t used a condom. I was such a stupid fuck. She hadn’t said anything about it and so I had to hope she was protected. Still what did it say about the sort of man I was that I hadn’t thought about protecting her? She didn’t know my history and that I was healthy in that regard.
The next day, I’d told myself I was taking Petal’s advice to visit my mom since I was worried about her, but in truth, I needed time away to regain my mental strength so I could be Petal’s friend and not think about her luscious tits or how fucking amazing it had felt to slide inside her.
I tried to brush off how spectacularly I came to it having been a long time since I’d been with a woman, but who was I kidding. Afterall, I’d been masturbating to fantasies of Petal for nearly a year. Nope, somehow that woman had gotten under my skin. If I was going to retain my friendship with her, I’d need to stop thinking about her. I hoped a few days away would help with that.
When I arrived at my mother’s home in Chicago, I was surprised at how tired she looked even as she was excited to have me home.
She made me my favorite dinner and I took care of a few fix-it projects around the house. But her weight loss and chronic fatigue concerned me.
“Mom, you should see a doctor,” I finally said Sunday afternoon as we ate lunch. I’d already called Jude and told him I would be away for a few days this week helping my mom. I’d drag her kicking and screaming to the doctor if I had to.
“Oh, it’s nothing, Cy. Just age.”
“I want the doctor to tell me that.” I gave her a stern stare to tell her I wasn’t going to take no for an answer. She was the only family I had. I needed to know she was okay.
She rolled her eyes, but I could see she was concerned too. “I’ll go to the doctor if you consider calling Lora.”
My eyes narrowed. “I thought you didn’t like Lora. She broke your son’s heart.”
“Yes, well, I don’t like that part, but you two were in love and it couldn’t have been easy for you to be gone all the time.”
I arched a brow. “So, it’s my fault she fell in love with someone else while I was defending our country?”
“No, of course not. But I don’t think she really fell in love with someone else. I think she just wanted attention. Now that you’re back for good, maybe you can get back together. Get back what you lost.”
I was shaking my head before she finished. I was sure she was just wanting me to be happy, or maybe she wanted me to move back to Chicago. “That’s not happening mom.”
“Why not? I mean, I know you’re hurt and angry—”