He gave a quick nod and withdrew from me. I wanted to cry out and hold him to me. To never let him go. We rose and got dressed.
He put his hands on my shoulders and looked me in the eyes. “Are you okay?”
I managed a smile. “Yes. I just don’t want to get caught by Petal.” I looked at my watch. “I need to pick up Maya soon.”
“I want to come with you. We can spend the evening together.”
I looked into his crystal blue eyes, seeing everything I’d ever wanted in them; us as a family, and yet I knew it couldn’t be. August would do whatever he could to ruin it.
“Maybe you and her can spend the evening together,” I suggested, wanting to complete my mission quickly. Drawing it out was too painful.
He frowned. “Where will you be?”
“I have a few things to take care of.”
He studied me. “You know I love you, right?” He must have had a sense that I was moving away from him again. I realized I was being an idiot to think I’d just waltz out and live my life separate from him and him not doing anything about it. I’d have to meet this moment head on. Be clear that we couldn’t stay together.
“Love isn’t always enough. We’ve already learned that, haven’t we?”
His jaw tightened and he released me. “You don’t love me.”
My heart cried out that he’d think that. “I didn’t say that.”
“No. You didn’t say that you did either.”
“It doesn’t matter, Jude. August—”
“Fuck August. He’s not the center of the universe. Jesus, are you going to bow to him forever? Let him run your life? What do you want, April? If it’s not me, fine, but grow a fucking back bone and stand up to him.”
My eyes narrowed in anger, even though I knew a part of him was right. I’d been kowtowing to August forever. “He’ll ruin your business.”
&nb
sp; “I don’t need you to protect me from August. I need you to make up your mind about what you want from me if anything.”
I looked down. “I need you to be Maya’s father.”
His jaw tightened. “That’s it?”
Inside I was dying a slow death, but I nodded.
He looked away for a moment, I’m sure trying to figure out his next move. He must have decided he didn’t have one. “I wish you’d told me before you fucked me and gave me hope that we could be a family.”
I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. I wanted to rush to him and take everything back. To tell him we could be a family.
“I can bring Maya over to your place if you want. She can spend the evening with you,” I said instead.
He gave me a hard, withering stare. “I’d like that.”
“Good. Okay. In an hour?”
He nodded.
Unable to endure his disdain any longer, I rushed out.
“Everything okay?” Petal asked as I hurried toward the bakery exit.
I didn’t answer.