The final straw that broke our relationship came after August found out about us. He flipped out even bigger than I’d have expected. It made me realize that even though he acted like my friend, he actually saw me as less than because I came from the wrong side of town. He told me I wasn’t worthy of her and he was right. But hearing it from him, lit something in my gut. I could find a way to be worthy, couldn’t I? As it turns out, that thinking was a mistake, because I decided that the best way for me to show my worth was in joining the military. I enlisted in the Navy and asked April to wait for me. It would only be four years. I’d get experience and a skill, while she attended college and then we could be together again. She promised she would wait for me. Like an idiot, I believed her.
And then her letter came. I suppose I couldn’t blame her for not waiting or thinking we weren’t a good fit. We came from different backgrounds. She was still so young, only eighteen. She’d have her choice of men in college. There she could find a sure thing, whereas I was a gamble.
Even knowing that, knowing that it was probably the right choice for her, it fucking hurt to learn she didn’t love me anymore. It was a reminder that despite the fact that I’d fallen for her long before she seduced me, I should have never given in. I should have never touched her. I should have never spent time with her after that, loving her, making plans for the future with her. It had disaster written all over it, and I willingly jumped into it.
A knock on the door interrupted my reverie.
I went to open it.
“Hey man. I’m next door.” Cyrus was my current best buddy. We were SEALs together, forming a brotherhood that we were holding onto now that we were both out of the military. He was from Chicago originally, but when we decided to get out of the military and start our own security consulting business, I convinced him to come to Bismarck. As I reflected on all the pain I’d experienced here, I wondered why. Was I hoping to see April and fix the past? Or did I want to see August and show him my success as a big fuck you middle finger to how he treated me?
“Are you hungry? Is there anything good to eat in North Dakota?” Cyrus asked, raiding my minifridge.
I smirked. So maybe Bismarck wasn’t Chicago, but it wasn’t without good food or fun.
“There’s a good place down the street.” I hoped it was still there. “Best burger and brew in town.”
“Let’s go then.” He downed the mini-bottle of booze.
“You owe me twelve bucks for that.” I said grabbing my jacket, and heading out the door with him.
“Consider it coming out of our petty cash. Business expense.” He grinned and I had to laugh.
Growing up in poverty, we lived in a neighborhood where many of the boys were troublemakers. While not all ended up in jail, many did flunk out of school. For me, school was a sanctuary away from two parents who hated each other and usually took it out on me. I was a bit of an oddball at school because while I was athletic, I didn’t fit into the jock crowd. I was smart, but the nerds were afraid of me, until August. I’d stepped in to stop a bully from laying him flat our freshman year, and from then on we were friends. Or so I thought. Granted, I fucked his sister, but I loved her. It wasn’t like I disrespected her.
In the military, I had the order I craved, and I found camaraderie that made me realize I didn’t know what a friend was until I’d met these people. Cyrus was a true friend. He was proving it now by trusting me to build our business in North Dakota instead of Chicago.
“It’s hard to believe this is the capital. It’s so small,” Cyrus said, as we walked down the street.
I rolled my eyes. “The size is the charm. Big city appeal but small-town charm. If you want big, you have to go to Fargo.”
“Ut uh, I saw th
at movie.”
I snorted. “I saw Chicago too. Are you going to start singing and dancing?”
“Better than ending up in a woodchipper.”
I supposed he was right. We arrived at the restaurant, which looked exactly the same except for the hostess who greeted us. She wasn’t someone I’d known before. “Two?”
“Yep. Can we have a booth?” I asked.
She scanned the restaurant. “Yeah, sure. Follow me.” She showed us to our booth, handing us a menu. “Your waitress will be here to take your drink order in a minute.”
“Great. Thanks,” I said, looking over the menu. The actual menus themselves were different, but the food listed on them hadn’t changed a bit. I was already salivating over the jalapeño burger and fries.
I was reconsidering my choice of the smoky BBQ burger, when the hairs on my arms stood up and my heart rate shot to racing as a sweet floral scent filled my nostrils.
My head jerked up toward the woman approaching us. My breath stalled in my lungs as April stepped up to the table. Jesus she was even more beautiful than I remembered. Her dark hair was pulled back, with loose tendrils falling around her face. She looked at me with shock showing in her hazel eyes.
After my initial surprise, my first thought was why was she waiting tables? Had August found a way to take her trust? Had he tossed her out leaving her with nothing? Guilt lanced in my gut that I wasn’t here to help her if that was the case.
“April,” I managed to croak out.
Her wide hazel eyes were locked on to mine. A range of emotions crossed her face. I was feeling them all as well. Pain. Longing. Anger. Desire. Grief. But more than anything, I felt like I’d been waiting to see her for the last eight years. This was why I was back. I had to resolve my feelings with April. I’d spent the last eight years in a limbo and now it was time to either fix what broke between us, or move on. As I looked into her beautiful yet sad eyes, I realized that what I really wanted was her and how we’d been. Outside of the military, she’d been the only person I felt had really known me and loved me. It didn’t seem to matter that in actual fact she didn’t love me. I was here to find her. To make good on the promise I’d made to her to come back for her.
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