Where did I start? “I’m sorry, Jude. I really am.”
“For what? That I came back? That I found out the truth?”
“No.” I shook my head, fearing I wouldn’t get through to him. “That you were hurt. That you didn’t know about Maya. That you thought I’d broke up with you. If I’d known what August had done…but I didn’t. I thought you didn’t want me or the baby.”
He stopped and glared at me. “Seriously? You thought that? After everything I’d told you. Fucking A, April, I left so that I’d have something to offer you when I got back. We had a plan.”
“You thought I broke up with you,” I argued. “After all I’d told you. After we made a plan.”
“That’s different,” he said pacing again.
“Why? Why am I supposed to give you the benefit of the doubt but you won’t give it to me?”
“The letter.”
“I didn’t write that letter. And in my defense, I heard nothing from you. I wrote to you several times. I told you I was pregnant. I heard nothing back. I even told myself that you were busy in bootcamp. But as time went by, nothing. Not a word, Jude. What else could I think?”
“Fuck!” He roared it and I flinched in surprise at how feral it sounded. His frustration and anguish were out for all to see and here. Finally, he turned. “He won’t get away with this, April. He might have effectively ruined our relationship, but I won’t be kept from my daughter. And no amount of money or lawyers will stop me.”
My heart split at his saying our relationship was ruined. It made me think of the adage about being careful what you wished for. I’d spent the whole time Jude was back, trying to avoid a relationship, and now that I knew I succeeded, I was heartbroken over it.
“I don’t want to keep her from you,” I said.
“And August?”
“August doesn’t have a say,” I assured him.
He stared at me with disbelieving eyes. “He controls you, April. My mistake was in leaving here and letting him. But—”
I held up my hand. “I know that I let August control me, but not anymore. I left the firm. I’ve left the house. And I’m not going to keep you from Maya, but August loves her and she loves him. I won’t let her be a pawn for you to use against him.”
His eyes narrowed into slits. “You have some fucking nerve, April.”
I flinched again at the menace in his voice.
“August ripped us apart. Stole my child from me. And you’re lecturing me on using her as a pawn? The idea that you think I’d do that proves I was an idiot to think we might have been able to salvage what he took from us.” He let out another frustrated growl, and I took a breath wishing I was handling this better.
He whirled back around to me. “I don’t want to hurt Maya. But if you think I’m not going to fight if he gets in my way, you’re both sadly mistaken. And if he pulls any bullshit like he did with us to keep her away from me, I will ruin him.”
I believed him. And I couldn’t deny that August would deserve it. “My only goal here is that Maya doesn’t get hurt.”
He laughed derisively. “There you go again, thinking I’d do that.” He shook his head. “Why are you here? The knife can’t be twisted any deeper, April. You and August have effectively broken me.”
“Jude, no.” God, I wish I could make him see. “I don’t want to hurt you. It breaks my heart to see your pain.”
He shrugged. “Have you told her?”
I shook my head. “Not yet. But she’s going to be so happy about it, Jude. She’s wanted a dad.”
“She’s always had one.” He snarled. “Although I imagine August has taken that role with her.”
“He’s her uncle.” I blew out a breath. “I brought some things you might want to see. I don’t know. Maybe it will make it worse, but…” I pulled the photo album I’d picked up at the house from the bag.
He looked at it for a minute like he wasn’t sure it would help or hurt either. But then he sat down next to me on the couch, and I opened the album to the first page, showing a very pregnant me in one photo, and then the next was me holding a newborn Maya. His breath hitched as he took in the picture.
I turned the pages, each one showing Maya as she grew. August was in a few pictures with her, and I wished I’d thought to take them out before I’d showed Jude the album. Each time August appeared in a photo, I could feel the anger radiating off Jude.
We got to the last page, which was Maya’s first grade school picture. She had a large grin that exposed the missing tooth she’d lost the night before school picture day.