I left the leasing office wondering if I’d lost my mind. I’d already decided I couldn’t take the two-bedroom apartment, even though I’d wanted to. Since Jude was ready to sign a lease, I couldn’t live there. And yet, I was going to consider a job from him? Seriously, what was wrong with my thinking?
A job was a professional situation, I told myself. We could work together, and that would be it. I’d see him at work, do a job, and then go home, somewhere else so that our personal lives wouldn’t intersect. See, it made total sense. Maybe if I kept thinking that, I’d believe it.
The truth was, seeing Jude was hard. It brought back all those old feelings of love and a longing to have what we’d one had. I wished I could get the fairy tale wishes of a young girl out of my brain, but seeing him took back to that time when I was happy and felt loved.
Because all those old emotions were messing with my mind, I needed to cancel dinner with Jude. The only problem was, I didn’t get his number or even his business’ name. So, I’d go to the meeting, hear him out, and then I’d turn down the job. Yes, that’s what I’d do.
Except I needed a job. If I couldn’t take Jude’s I needed to look for another one. I still had an hour before I needed to pick up Maya at day camp, so I went to a coffee café, got a large mocha, and looked up current job openings on my phone. There were a few that might be interesting, but I worried they didn’t pay as well as the job I had with August.
I shook my head as resentment boiled over when thinking of August and my work. I shouldn’t even be considered an employee. Dad’s firm was as much mine as August’s. I should be a partner. I didn’t mind the work I did for the firm. I minded that I was treated like I wasn’t important.
With a few minutes left before I had to get Maya, I called my friend Petal and asked if she’d be able to watch Maya tonight while I was out. She agreed, as always. She really was a great friend.
That afternoon, I picked up Maya at day camp, rushed home and cleaned us both up, and was out of the house before August returned. It took me a little longer than I’d planned to decide what to wear. It was a job interview, but it was also dinner. Did I dress professionally? Or did I want to dress in a way that made Jude rue the day he abandoned me?
I shook my head. This was no time to be petty. I had Maya to think about. So, I opted for professional. Once I was dressed, I checked on Maya, who’d put on shorts and a tee-shirt with Petal’s bakery’s logo on it.
“Maybe I can work for her today. Sometimes she lets me help the customers,” Maya said.
I smiled, loving how little things could make her day. “I think Petal will be closed when we get there, but I know she’ll have something fun for you.” I pulled her hair back into a ponytail in case Petal’s activities included baking.
“Where are you going tonight, mama?” Maya asked.
“I have a business meeting, baby.” I didn’t feel the need to let her know I was about to upend her life. Not until I knew for sure what I was doing.
“Will uncle Auggie be there?”
“No. This is just me.” It hit me that I was leaving my daughter to go meet with her father. A father she didn’t know about. And he didn’t know about her. But that was his fault. But Maya…I hated that she wouldn’t know Jude. At least not the Jude I’d loved eight years ago. This Jude, I didn’t know. The man that could ignore and abandon his pregnant girlfriend didn’t deserve a beautiful child like Maya.
I loaded Maya up in the car and drove us back towards the town center. Petal was just closing up her bakery when we arrived. She had a cute little place above her shop that was made all the better because it always smelled like cupcakes from the scents of the bakery below. In her apartment, she had a toy bakery set for Maya to play with. Since I still had some time before meeting Jude, I sat with Petal and had a glass of wine
.
“Thank you so much for watching Maya last minute like this,” I said, as Maya pretended to take an order for cupcakes at her playset.
“Are you kidding me? I love hanging with that sweetie.” She turned her attention to me. “So, what’s up? What do you have going on tonight? You look like you're going to an insurance conference or something.”
I looked down at my staid outfit. It wasn’t much different from what I was wearing earlier; a business skirt with tailored coat, and a filmy white blouse. I put my hair up feeling like it made me look older and more experienced.
“It's a business meeting of sorts.”
Petal quirked a brow. “Of sorts?”
I covered my face as I admitted the truth. “I’m having dinner with Jude.”
Petal did a spit take, reaching for a tissue from the box on her coffee table. “Jude Mason?” She wiped her chin.
I nodded. “I ran into him on Friday when I was covering that shift at the restaurant and then today again when I was looking at apartments. He offered me a job, hence the business clothes.”
“Wait, what? You’re looking at apartments? And, you have a job plus the work you do for my business. Why are you looking at another job?”
“I quit today.” I took a long swig of my wine as the ramifications of that hit me.
She gaped at me. “Really, April, you really should have warned me before you started saying how you’d totally upended your life. I don’t even know where to start.”
“I quit because I was tired of August dismissing me and being so condescending all the time. I couldn’t take it anymore. And once I was out of the office, I knew I needed to be out of the house too, so I went to look for a place for me and Maya.”
“I suppose that’s not so crazy. It’s not like you haven’t been talking about getting out from under him. What’s the deal with dinner tonight?” She tucked a strand of her long red hair behind her ear and settled in to listen.