33
Toby
I pushed her down onto the bed, rougher than I wanted to because I was excited.
“Oh, shit. Sorry. I didn’t meant to shove you like that,” I said. I had no experience with pregnant women. I didn’t know how delicate they were or weren’t. She just laughed.
“Don’t just stand there,” she said, getting out of her clothes. I had a lot more layers on than she did so she was naked, waiting on the bed for me while I kicked my shoes off.
“Where were you by the way?” she asked.
“Are you sure you want to discuss that right now?” I asked, getting on the bed, between her legs. She pulled me into her and naturally, our bodies slid into place. She gasped and clutched me tighter. I closed my eyes, just taking it in for a second.
I loved her. I loved every single thing about her and she was mine.
We weren’t quick. We didn’t have to be and I didn’t have to be. I loved her and I loved the way she felt. Slowly, we worked each other into a frenzy, the friction getting the most of us in the end. I came explosively inside her, slowing down and taking her in in the afterglow of our lovemaking.
“It was a gala,” I said.
“Huh?”
“That’s where I was before this.”
“Oh.” I slid onto the bed and cuddled her. I looked down at her. It was about seven seconds before she noticed.
“What?”
“I haven't seen you in a while, can't I look at you?”
“Not like that, not like you're checking me for lice or something.” I laughed and kissed her forehead. She didn’t really look different. Her face hadn't changed and her body was pretty much the same to but that wasn't going to remain true for the rest of the pregnancy. I put a hand on her stomach.
“Do you know what we're having?” I asked. The question scared me as much as it excited me. I didn't have a preference as far as the child's gender but I was going to be someone's father. I had not prepared for this recently or at any point in my life to be honest.
If we looked at the facts and the things that I knew about myself, I knew that I was not what anybody would call father material. I had never tried to have kids before because I had never tried to have a traditional relationship before. I wasn't against any of it, it was fear to be honest.
I was still extremely scared. My partner in all of this was Maggie and that meant something. It took more than just love to have a family succeed, but I knew I wouldn't have been as calm about doing this with anybody else.
“Not yet. Have to go to the hospital to find out at around twenty weeks. I'm not sure that I want to know though.”
“Really? I'm dying to find out, but we don't have to if you'd rather get a surprise on the due date.”
“No, no. If you want to find out, then we'll find out. After keeping this secret for so long I think that's the least I can do if you really want to know.”
“Thank you.”
“I'm sorry about this, I don't know if I already said that. I know that you weren't looking for any kind of attachment, not to me and definitely not to a child.”
“I'm happy about the baby.” She looked confused.
“You don't have to say that to spare my feelings. I know I'm pregnant but you don't have to be nice to me.”
“I'm scared, I'm way out of my depth. I don't know the first thing about babies, but I'm happy.”
“I know that people change but that is one hell of a one eighty to make in just a matter of months. Just a matter of weeks if not days.”
I lay my head back on the pillow. I had my reasons even though they sounded a lot more like excuses.
“My mother committed