“Work with me here, Easton. Something insane happens and she leaves and she doesn’t want to come back under any circumstances. What do you do?”
He thought about it for a while and then he sighed. “Nothing. I’d do nothing. Missy is an integral part of my future and I just don’t see one without her.” Wrong answer. I wasn’t sure what he’d say but that wasn’t it.
“Easton, she’s just one woman. I know you love her, but do you even know whether she would do the same for you?”
“It doesn’t matter whether she would. She’s my world. If I couldn’t have her in my life, then I wouldn’t have a life. I might as well just dig a grave and hop in.”
“Don’t be dramatic.”
“I’m not. You’re not a kid and I don’t want to talk to you like you are one, but you just don’t get it, Toby. Maybe one day you’ll meet the person who makes you feel the way Missy makes me feel. ‘til then, call me crazy but that’s the way it is.”
I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up. That sounded a lot like something my mother would’ve said about my father since, in the end, it was true. She did die for him. I didn’t like the sound of that. While I felt like Easton was blowing it out of proportion a little bit, I knew that even if it was not true for him, it was true for other people.
What the hell was I thinking? I couldn’t do this.
I thought that I had something real with Maggie and maybe I did but telling her and asking for more? What the hell was wrong with me? I didn’t want to risk that. It didn’t matter the lost potential; whether I was selling us short. I didn’t care. I didn’t want to know what it felt like to want to die for someone. I didn’t want losing someone to mean that my life was over too. I had to stop this. I hadn’t said anything that couldn’t be taken back yet, but I had to cut it all off right here, right now.
Maybe I’d never get to feel what Easton was talking about, but at least I’d never be in that position in case the worst happened.
Shortly, the photographer, his crew, and the women walked back into the room.
“So, are we done here?” Easton asked.
“Yup, you’re all done. You did so well sweetheart,” Missy said, coming up and kissing her fiancé. I heard Easton’s words in my head again and I hoped to God that she wouldn’t leave him so I didn’t have to find out whether he was serious or not. I turned my attention to Maggie. Everyone was occupied, so it wasn’t hard to pull her aside.
“Hey, Maggie, do you have a minute?”
“Do you want something?” she asked.
“Yeah, I don’t think there’s any good way to go about this, but it needs to be said. Could you come to my suite or something? I’d appreciate the privacy.” She looked a little bit confused, but she followed me out and into my suite. I launched directly into my speech so that I didn’t chicken out or get any other ideas now that we were in a private space together.
“Look, I’m going to make this as quick and direct as possible. After everything that happened in the cabin, I realize that my behavior could be sending you mixed signals. That is the last thing I want. I enjoyed our time there. It was great, really. Thank you. But it’s over now. That was a period of our lives that needs to be contained and judged for what it was and nothing more. We have our own lives and I think we should continue living them, separately.”
She looked confused, and then, just for a second, but long enough, she looked hurt.
“You called me in here to tell me that?”
“I didn’t want there to be any kind of confusion. I think you’re a wonderful woman-”
“Wait, wait, wait, are you trying to give me some sort of break up speech? We are not together Toby; I knew that from the beginning. I knew that since I propositioned you the night of Missy’s proposal. You don’t do relationships and frankly, I’m not looking either. I never expected that to change just because we had a couple of days in the cabin together.”
My mouth was hanging open and I knew I looked like an idiot, but for a second, I had no idea what to say. She had beaten me to it and I was stuck. I didn’t like how it felt. It hurt. It sounded like she was just trying to make up for what I had just told her, and I felt like garbage for whatever I was making her feel.
It had to be done though, this was me being kind. Carrying on and letting her think that there was a chance was the crueler option. She didn’t need that from me. She didn’t need to wait around thinking she would get more than just the cabin instead of looking for someone else who was going to give her everything.
“You knew?”
Her face was totally clear now, her eyes almost looked hard, empty.
“I knew.”
18
Maggie
He wasn’t going to see me sweat.
He was not going to see me sweat.