“Dumb?” I asked.
“You’re sitting around in your loft, wondering whether she is thinking about you when you could just ask her and find out yourself. I know that’s what you want to do but you’re too proud or something. She hurt you and now you’re trying to prove a point but you’re just hurting yourself. I can’t tell you what to do at the end of the day, but we do work together, and I do need you at the office. You sort yourself out and I’ll see you tomorrow.” He started walking away, then he stopped. “If you want to talk you know I’m here for you,” he added before making his way to the elevator and leaving. I took one more bite of my pizza and then threw the rest out. It wasn’t good. The thought of going into work tomorrow felt strange after so many days in isolation. Part of me didn’t want to, but it was the right thing to do. I had to start somewhere.
32
Artemis
I opened the fridge and surveyed my options. I had been blessed in many ways. I was very beautiful and my sense of style was completely unmatched, but good Lord, I could not cook to save my life.
All that was in there were some apples, the remnants of a pizza that I had eaten the day before and I had already gone through the good stuff. I closed it and opened it again like my options were going to change in the moments that the fridge was closed. I didn’t want to make yet another order for food. How would that look to the neighbors? I wasn’t in the habit of cooking so takeaways were not strange to me but I was starting to become conscious of the fact that at no point in the last three or four days had I seen another human being who wasn’t a delivery person.
Once more, I opened and closed the fridge, then I gave up, filling a glass full of water and drinking it. Hydration, that was self-care, wasn’t it? Good. That meant I was done for the day. I shuffled back to the sofa and sat down in the pit that my body had made over the last few days of laying there in misery. In mourning. In a pathetic heap because I had messed up too badly to fix anything.
I had been through bad breakups before, quite a number, actually but none had felt like this. Was it because the time zone was different? The climate? I had never missed anyone the way I was missing Easton. The man who just weeks ago I felt was the ultimate symbol of everything I hated in the male species, had become my greatest heartbreak. It felt strange. More than that, it felt awful. I had just barely made it up the stairs to bathe daily and my hair was another story. Packed in a bun at the top of my head, I knew I looked a state, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to know whether Easy was okay.
The television was on, playing a comedy series that I had watched all the way through in the past few days but had decided to rewatch because everything hurt and nothing mattered. Here was to yet another day of zoning out and not caring about anything. I was looking forward to it. The television droned in the background and I might have dozed off because all I remembered was waking up suddenly. I hadn’t called anyone and if anyone had called me, I wouldn’t know because my phone was… I wasn’t sure where but I was sure that it was dead by now anyway. Besides Brenna and Eddy, who the hell else could it be? I had instructed Maggie to move forward all work engagements.
My visitor was on their second ring when I finally got to the door. Opening it, I saw Maggie.
“Oh wow, it’s you,” I said. I pretended not to notice her look me up and down.
“It’s me. Why haven’t I been able to contact you?” she asked. I had essentially given her paid leave in the time that I had been cooped up in the house. I had told her not to worry about anything, I’d get back to her at some point, but I couldn’t tell her when.
“I’m sorry, did you need anything?”
“No, but I’m pretty sure that you do.” She was holding bags of food that I had up to that point pretended I couldn’t smell.
“Oh my gosh, you’re a savior,” I said, seeing the takeaway bags in her hands. She smiled, handing them to me. I hadn’t asked her to bring anything. I hadn’t even asked her to come over, but she had and honestly, I was glad for the company. I had barely seen another human being for a couple of days now and I thought there was something bad that happened when you didn’t hear another person’s voice for a while. We went to the living room. I turned the television off and Maggie got plates and cutlery from the kitchen. She had brought pasta, rice balls, chicken parm, and dessert; a welcome change from the leftovers of the past few days.
“How did you know I wanted this,” I said, savoring a mouthful of chicken.
“I am the best assistant you’ve ever had for a reason,” she said. I laughed. We ate, making small talk. In a brief moment of silence, I felt Maggie looking at me.
“Is there something you wanted to talk about?” I asked.
“Only if it doesn’t break the rules of our professional relationship,” she said. I nodded smiling a little. She was more than just my assistant at this point. I was quickly regarding her as more of a friend.
“I think we’re past that point,” I said.
“These past few days… you and Easton,” she started.
“Yeah?” I asked, eating a rice ball. Still warm, the cheesy middle oozed.
“He’s the reason for all this, isn’t he?” she said.
I shrugged. “Maybe.” There was no maybe about it. He was the reason for it. If we were really, really being honest though, it was me. It was what I had done to Easton that was making me like this. He had never asked for it and it was the worst thing I could have done given our history. It was childish and petty, and it didn’t reflect what I felt about him now, but I did it in bad faith.
“Just maybe?”
“Yeah, it’s because of him. Am I that obvious?”
“Yeah, sorry. It is. Why haven’t you tried to talk to him?”
“Because he ignores me whenever I try to do it. He doesn’t want me to talk to him.”
“But do you?”
“Of course, but what can I do?” I asked.