“Between us? No. I'm not looking for that right now.”
“You might not be looking, but it could just find you,” Brenna said. Eddy nodded emphatically agreeing with her. She had a point. They both did. Both of their relationships with their husbands had started out that way. For Brenna, she and her husband Charlie had actually had a past, but circumstances had torn them apart. Brenna had run into money issues and become a surrogate with a fertility center. Some incredible stroke of luck placed Charlie there as a father trying to conceive via surrogate and the ball had started rolling. According to the agreement they went into, they were never supposed to end up as a couple, but they did.
Niall and Eddy were the same. They had had an encounter in the past which had resulted in Riley, their son. When they met again many years later, Eddie wasn't looking for a relationship with him either, but here they were, married. That was all well and good, but I didn't think it could happen for me. When I thought about their stories, I just thought about how different the two women were from me. They had both had to withstand struggles throughout their lives. Brenna's mother had almost succumbed to cancer. Eddy had been widowed and almost experienced financial ruin because of her ex-husband's death. All I had done was grow up privileged in a London home with two loving parents who had given me everything I wanted and much more. It didn't happen to people like me. I didn't deserve it.
“I don't think that's in the cards for us.”
“I don't know, don't be closed off to the idea. Sometimes the timing isn't convenient, but you can’t let go if you find the right one,” Brenna said.
“How do you know who the right one is?” I asked. Both of them had gotten so lucky with their husbands. On the outside, it was obvious. Charlie and Niall were both rich, attractive men but behind the scenes, both of them were incredibly generous, devoted, and caring towards their wives. In my experience, I had never met a man who could do it all like that. I had met many men, that was for sure, some of them who I thought would go the distance, but here I was, still single.
“For me, I think it was the moment when Charlie gave his mother an ultimatum when she didn't want to accept me as his partner.”
“Did that happen?” Maggie asked.
“Yeah. She was hell-bent on setting him up with a woman who in her opinion matched him better. I was honestly ready to give up because I didn't think I could stand against her, but Charlie told her that if she wanted to be part of his life and her grandchild’s life, she had to respect his decision.”
“That's so romantic,” Maggie said.
“It's like something out of a fairy tale,” Eddy remarked.
“What about you? How did you know?” Maggie asked her.
“I don't know. It was rocky in the beginning. I think at first it was the fact that we couldn't seem to stay away from each other. Circumstances kept throwing us back into each other's lives, even when I ran away. But then, I did something awful to Niall, just horrible and he still found it inside himself to understand why I did it and forgive me when he could have just as easily held it against me or even punished me for it.” She paused to explain quickly to Maggie how Riley was Niall’s biological child but because he had been conceived after a one-night stand, she had ended up hiding his paternity as she entered her first marriage.
“That's intense.” It had been. Niall was this rich man from an aristocratic family and Eddy was a widow who was in debt, even though her husband had had a minor title as well. She had thought the worst would happen if he found out the paternity of his son. With all the power and money his family had, she believed he’d use it against her to gain custody of the boy, just because he could.
I never felt bad that I was the single one in the group, the girls never held it over my head that I hadn’t found my partner and I was glad for it. I did sometimes envy their stories though. I wanted that. I didn’t think it was bad or wrong to want that, even though it made me feel a bit silly from time to time.
“I know. I'm so glad that part of our lives is over. I couldn't be happier with him.”
“I thought I would be in the same boat as you guys by now,” Maggie said. “I was positive that I had met my Mr. Right, but things went down the shitter. I had been ready to change everything, even move to be with him but things didn't work out. Honestly, I haven't fully recovered from that.”
I put an arm around her. “I totally understand.” Maggie was becoming a fast friend but I hated that this was what I had in common with her. We were both the single ones in the group, and we were both apparently miserable too. I flashed back to the darkest moments in the past when things had fallen apart.
“So, I’m not a prude? I’m not frigid?” she asked. She tried to laugh a little, but I could feel the pain behind her words.
“No, not at all,” Eddy said. “There are no rules. You can take as long as you need.”
“Absolutely,” Brenna said. She glanced at me, meaning to tell me that what she had said was for me too. It was supposed to be comforting but it was a little uncomfortable. It hit very close to home. How many times had the rug been pulled out from under me when I thought that I had something good with somebody? Maybe I was sensitive or perhaps you weren't supposed to take those things so hard, but it damaged you after a while. It made you believe that you were the issue and it made you reluctant. That's why I was reluctant.
Whether Easton was the right man or not, wasn't the question. It was me.
23
Easton
“Are you done in there?”
I thought I heard something over the sound of the shower.
“What?” I called.
“I said, are you done yet?” Missy asked. She had opened the door, but I couldn’t see her through the fogged-up shower stall. She was getting impatient.
“Yup. That’s why I’m still in here, Missy. Because I’m done.”
“It’s a simple yes or no question, Easton. Please.”