“Shortly after his birth it became obvious. As he got bigger and looked nothing like Russell, I was surprised Russell never noticed. We were married anyway, and he had signed the paperwork.”
“But it wasn’t true.”
“No, but what was I supposed to do? I never thought I would see you again. I didn’t even know your name. I had a husband and he acknowledged the child as his own. It was for the best.”
“We’ve been in contact how long now? Why didn’t you say something? How long has your husband been dead? Why didn’t you say something then?”
“It was wrong and I’m sorry I did it. I shouldn’t have.”
“Sorry? That’s all you have to say?”
“What more do you want? It was a bad move, but I can't turn back time.”
Niall was red, anger radiating off of him. He ran a hand through his hair and glared at me. “Do you understand what you’ve done? How could you do this to me? Let me live years of my life ignoring my child.”
“You didn’t know you had one. Nobody would hold that against you.”
“But you lied to me!” he yelled. I recoiled. I had never seen him this upset, and it was scary.
“I don’t know what more I can do but apologize.”
“Is that going to get me back the years with my son? Will it take away the fact that I was living it up like I was single because I didn’t know I had a child?”
“How many times do you want me to apologize?”
“Do you know what? Riley deserves an apology more than I do. He is the one who’s had to grow up without a father all his life. He could have had someone who cared but he got Russell, a drunkard who left his mother in poverty.”
My temper flared. This was a sore subject for me. I wouldn’t allow him to criticize me for the ways that I had chosen to protect my son. “Riley is loved. Russell wasn’t there for him, but he’s been showered with attention his whole life.”
“I can't believe you’d do this to me.” Niall was trembling, he was so angry at me. “I swore… I fucking swore that if I ever had kids, they wouldn’t have the same childhood I had. They wouldn’t be ignored by parents whose first love was money.”
“You don’t have to worry about Riley. He’s loved and protected. And you don’t have to worry about your life either. I won’t ask you for anything.”
“I can't believe you’ve done this.”
“Get off your high horse for one second and realize I did what I had to do.”
“You come off of yours and realize that what was best for your ego and comfort might not have been best for Riley.”
“Fuck you, Niall.”
“Likewise.” He turned and walked out. I slammed the door behind him. I heard his car drive away as I crumpled to the floor.
There. The secret was out. Not the way I expected or the way I wanted. With anger, shouting and hurt feelings. That last one was inevitable. How long did I think I would be able to keep up the charade?
He knew now.
It was his move. Sobs racked my body thinking about what he might do. I didn’t think he was wrathful, but I had never seen him that angry. Whatever he did, I wanted the punishment to fall on me, not my son. I deserved it. All I could do was brace for whatever happened next.
I got up, hurrying to the bathroom to wash my face. My son and Prue couldn’t come in here and find me a sobbing heap on the floor. I couldn’t tell Prue either. How was it that even now that my secret was out, I was still utterly alone in the knowledge? I dabbed my face dry and hoped the swelling and redness would fade once they were home. As far as they were concerned, I was fine.
31
Niall
I threw the bottle back, emptying its dregs down my throat. Straight whiskey. It burned on its way down, or at least it was supposed to, but I was drunk enough not to feel it anymore. I put the bottle down and wiped the back of my hand over my mouth. I was back in my room at the tavern. It was sometime in the evening, but I couldn't be sure. I wasn't sure what time I had started drinking and I didn't know what time it was now. All I knew was that I wanted to get drunk enough to forget everything that had happened today. I wanted to get drunk enough to forget that I had ever met Eddy in the first place.
I couldn't believe it. Riley was my son.