“Is this what you wanted? You just wanted to hear me admit that I was broke to your face? Did you want the satisfaction?”
“I don’t want to humiliate you. I don’t know what’s happening in your life but it’s obviously very stressful. I care about you; I want to know.”
“Well, it sounds like you already do. I’m broke.”
“Why did I have to find that out from someone else? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You asked around about me?” she asked.
“You wouldn’t tell me anything. What was I supposed to do?” I asked.
“Asked me.”
“Would you have told me the truth?” I asked.
“Why are you so intent on knowing? Why does it matter so much to you?”
“That night when you won the watch? I wouldn’t have pushed you to play if I knew that you needed the money so much.”
“I wanted to play. You didn’t force me to do anything.”
“But it wasn’t fair. I had no clue you were having money issues. I would have…”
“What? You would have let me win?” she said, almost snarling.
“No, but your husband died and left you penniless. We weren’t competing on an equal plane. Why didn’t you take the watch and sell it?”
She laughed. “I did sell it. That was exactly what I wanted to do when I won it off of you. I only got ten thousand pounds for it but that was more money than I had seen in months. When you said it was an heirloom, I borrowed money so I could buy it back. The appraiser refused to take it back at the price he sold it to me for.”
“So, you…?”
“Yes. I lost money on it and acquired debt.”
The watch wasn’t an heirloom, I felt bad for telling her that it was since she had gone through all of that. I
thought that she was a gold digger; that the money was all she was after, but she refused to take the check. She was offended that I even offered it to her. I was even more confused now than I was when we started. I knew nothing about this woman, yet she drove me crazy wanting her in my life. She was a gold digger playing the long con, trying to get an even bigger amount out of me or she was telling me the truth about her honest, yet unconventional ways to try and get her hands on some money.
“Why didn’t you tell me that you already sold the watch?” I asked.
“You said it was an heirloom. I had to get it back if it was precious to you.”
“Why didn’t you take the check then? You borrowed money to buy it back and you lost money doing that.”
“I couldn’t take that money from you. I hated the way you were looking at me. It was charity. When Russell died, he left us nothing. I am constantly two steps away from destitution and I have to take any win that I can get but for fuck’s sake, I still have some pride. I hate living like this. I don’t want to live like this, but I need to do what I can to secure my son’s inheritance. He can’t suffer because of me or because of his father.”
She lowered her head and covered her face with her hands. Christ, she was crying. I moved closer to her, embracing her. I didn’t mean for it to get to that. I couldn’t imagine the struggle she was going through. Her pride not taking the money from me was admirable, but I wished that she would take it. She needed it.
“I’m sorry,” I said to her. “I wouldn’t have asked for the watch back if I knew what you were going through.”
I stroked her hair as she sniffed, pulling away from me. “Thank you. I’m just glad it’s all out in the open now. I think I had it coming at this point though. I just need to give it up and get a real job. I don’t know what I’ve been thinking.”
“You’re just doing what you have to do,” I said.
“Maybe but it’s not who I am. I hate being this desperate. I wasn’t sure how long I could keep this up in any case.”
It wasn’t who she was, she was being honest about that. She was a mother, a widow whose sod of a husband had left her penniless with a young child. She needed money, everyone needed money. She was just doing what she had to do in order to survive. I had been to Belshire and I didn’t think the job opportunities there were that abundant. She needed money fast and not in the amounts that the local Tesco was going to give her for a few shifts a week. By all accounts, her husband probably left her in debt as well. I tightened my embrace.
“Desperate times. Don’t be upset. I know it’s not you. You’re just pushed by circumstance. You’re a good person.”