“Did Russell know? Surely, he didn't. He wouldn’t raise another man’s child as if they were his own; he was far too selfish. How did you hide it all these years?”
“He was selfish regardless. He wasn’t attentive, even though he did think Riley was his. He just didn’t care. Besides, Riley looks so much like me, he probably never felt the need to raise the alarm.”
“So, the two of you know each other. How did you meet?”
“It was a complete shamble. It was right after the honeymoon. Russell and I were newlyweds and he was gambling that night. Long story short, he ended up staking me in a bet and he lost. Niall was the man who won.”
“Wait, wait, wait. Russell did what?”
It was so long ago now, and I was so numb to it that it no longer shocked or horrified me what Russell did that night. It was nice getting a reminder that what he did was despicable, even though the events that followed where some of my fondest memories, and had given me the greatest treasure in my life, my son.
“You know how he was with gambling. He put me up in a card game and he lost. I had to spend the night with Niall. The plan wasn't to sleep with him. He never pressed the issue either, but we were both drinking, and one thing led to another. The next day, I went back to Russell, he didn't ask about what happened, and I never told him. Nine months later, Riley was born, and luckily, Russell and I had been intimate around the same time so he didn't suspect anything.”
“So, he died without learning the truth?”
“The truth was hardly something he cared about, Missy. What if I had told him? What then? It wasn't that like he wanted a child anyway. I wasn't risking becoming destitute if he flew into a rage and kicked us out. He was barely engaged as a father or as a husband. I could have had an entire litter of kids and he wouldn't have noticed. I can’t feel sorry for that decision. I can’t.”
“Well, does Niall know the truth?”
“No, of course not.”
“Why not?”
I looked at her askance. “I can't tell him. I certainly could not tell him at the time, and I can't tell him now.”
“Why not? I daresay he has a right to know.”
I shook my head. “I can't do that Missy, he is an Earl. Riley is his bastard. If I let this be known, his family would have something to say about it and who knows what they're capable of.”
I had a fair idea what they might have been capable of. From what Niall had told me, his father was forcing him and another woman into a marriage that had been planned for them since childhood and he was not taking no for an answer. I did not want to come up against that kind of power and money when my son was at stake. I knew it was wrong and I knew that Niall had a right to know if he had a child out there, but the risk was too high.
“Surely he would protect you,” Missy said.
“I couldn't ask that of him. I couldn't ask him to choose his family over me. He barely knows me even though Riley is his son. And frankly, I think I forfeited the right. I had Riley's whole life to come clean and I never did. Four years… I think there might be an expiry date on these things.”
“Do you really think he would turn you away if you did tell him the truth about Riley?”
“No, he would never. He was a good man, but things are bigger than just me and him.” I shook my head again. “You know, I do like him. I love seeing him and I've never felt this strongly about anybody else before, but it's just not safe. I have to protect myself and I have to protect Riley. He can never know.”
“I still think you should do it. Think about Riley. He thinks his dad is dead but he's not.” She pressed on, seeing me shake my head. “If he is as good a man as you say he is, he shouldn't turn you away. He will do the right thing.”
“I don't know,” I said.
“At least consider it.”
For the first time since my son was born, I did.
21
Niall
I missed Eddy’s biscuits.
I speared a grilled tomato on my fork and held it up to my face examining it. I was sick of hotel food. Later I was going down to the chippy or something. I ate the tomato and followed it with some scrambled eggs. It was fairly late in the morning, around eleven but I had just gotten up and was barely through my coffee. I had no plans yet, but I wasn’t looking forward to the day. There was only one thing left for me to do here and it wasn’t going to be pleasant. Lisbeth Lane and I needed to have a conversation and I didn’t even know where to start contacting her.
My father would have her information, but I wasn’t calling him to find that out. I could ask around. An old acquaintance would definitely know her, if her social stature was as high as I was being led to believe. Of course! Aunt Pamela, Charlie’s mother. She knew everyone and despite their similarities, I would rather talk to her than my father. I drained my coffee cup and refilled it.
The plan was to let her down easily, be as gentlemanly as possible while making it clear that this was a farce and I had no intention of being involved in it. I couldn’t predict her reaction since I barely knew the woman and I didn’t know what she had been told about all this either. How hard was she likely to take it? I didn’t want to hurt her but there were going to be some hurt feelings, unfortunately. Imagine coming all the way to London to reject a woman. This was a mess I was looking forward to putting behind me as soon as possible. I took a swig of my coffee. It was going to be a long day. I was feeding myself a sausage when someone knocked at the door.