“It’s great. I wish I could eat it. I’m just a little nauseous. It’s from the medication. It can't be helped.”
Fuck cancer, I swear to god.
“You should still try,” I said. I watched her choke down a few more mouthfuls. “We have to go back to the doctor.”
“Those appointments cost money, Brenna.”
“If you can't eat you have to get something else. What are you supposed to do? Just keep losing weight? How much is going to be enough?”
“It’s not as bad as you think. I’m just nauseous. I’m supposed to be. It’s a side effect of the medicine. In a way now I know that it’s working.” This was her way of staying positive and I would take a page out of her book if she wasn’t talking about the cancer that was trying to kill her. Maybe she wasn’t seeing it the way that I was. Maybe she just didn’t want me to worry and I empathized with that. It didn’t matter how much I told her I didn’t mind helping her out, she would feel like she was taking advantage of me.
It didn’t matter what I wanted to do anymore. What I wanted more than anything was for my mother to stay alive and it didn’t matter how. I was going to do anything. Anything. She was worth it. I could take dealing with Charlie for nine months to a year. I was going to have to. The reward was going to be so much greater than that. The money was going to make sure she didn’t die, and then it was going to let us move into a bigger place. After that, we could probably get close to being totally debt-free.
It was worth all that. Once I did this, we would never be in this kind of situation again. After making sure my mother was okay for the night I went to my room. I took a shower and dressed for bed. I wanted to be as comfortable as possible for this. I felt decided. I was at peace. This phone call was going to change everything and I was ready for it. I dialed the number and waited with my ear to the phone. He picked up on the second ring.
“Brenna?” he said. His voice didn’t have the effect that I thought it would have on me. I wasn’t nervous anymore. I wasn’t anxious about what he wanted from me or what was going to happen. I had done a lot of thinking since I ran out on him a few days ago and now, I was ready to fall on the pyre.
“I’ve decided to take your offer.”
“That’s great to hear,” he said. “I’m glad you decided-”
“No, wait. You had your demands and I have mine. I’m going to do it, but I need a deposit before anything takes place. No more appointments at the center and definitely no signature on any contract, nothing before I get part of the payment as a deposit.”
“No problem. What bank do you use? You’ll have the transfer immediately.” I envied him momentarily for how much money was a non-issue to him. He could make the payment without thinking twice about it. He never would have found himself in the kind of predicament I was in.
Good thing he was being so generous and sharing then. I gave him my bank details.
“I need your signature on the contract before the process can start. When can you sign it?”
“I can come to your house tomorrow after work.”
“When can you move in?”
“Same time,” I said.
“Wonderful. Everything will be prepared for your arrival.” I thanked him and hung up. There. Done. Now for the hard part.
I got up earlier than usual the next day. Rough night. I guess my body didn’t realize this was going to be the last night in my apartment for a long time so a good night’s sleep would have been appreciated. I couldn’t stop thinking about my mother. I had gotten used to seeing her every day. I didn’t trust anyone else to take care of her the way I could. In a way, I relied on being with her every day the way she relied on me.
Charlie hadn't been kidding about the transfer being immediate. I had paid an at-home care service to send a worker to her every day, two times. I was going to go ahead and splurge for every day, twenty-four-hour care but I knew that she’d take personal offense to that. She wasn’t really that bad off, but I didn’t like to take chances. I was scared of he
r getting lonely without me around.
“Morning honey,” she said coming out of her bedroom.
“Hey, mom,” I said, “hungry?”
“Starving,” she said. Thank god. She barely ate a thing last night. I got breakfast ready and sat down with her. I wasn’t hungry, my stomach was in knots. The calm from last night had worn out and now I was secretly dreading telling her the news. Almost as much as I was dreading actually going through with what I agreed to do.
“These eggs are delicious, Brenna,” she said. I smiled and thanked her for the compliment.
“Why? Because it’s the only thing you can keep down right now? I caught you on a day you were actually hungry?” She laughed. “I actually needed to talk to you, mom,” I said.
“What is it?”
“I took a second job. I’ve been applying and recently accepted an offer.”
She lowered her fork. “Another job? They work you like slave drivers at your current one.”