nothing
nothing
so much nothing I worry that I will lose myself in it.
I shake my head, trying to snap out of it. He is worse than the distraction of the wrong feeling. There is something so strong in the way I react to him that it goes beyond right or wrong. I can hardly breathe. “I needed to.”
“She’s worked here for five years.”
James stands, holding a handgun. “She had this. I think Fia saved your life.”
The man’s expression doesn’t change. He doesn’t have an expression. He’s not a person. For the first time in my life I think I know what fear—true fear—feels like. Because everything about him is off, so far off I don’t even know how to process it.
“Aren’t you going to introduce us?” he says, and I think he is smiling, but it isn’t a smile because he isn’t a person. My instincts made me run in here, my instincts made me stop whatever this woman was going to do. But this man can’t be right, can’t be.
James sets the gun on the table. “Fia, this is my father, Phillip Keane.”
I smile because there is no other option. It is all I can do to hold in a burst of laughter, because this is the funniest thing that has ever happened to me and I am broken, once and for all, completely broken.
I just saved the life of the man I’ve vowed to destroy.
ANNIE
Two and a Half Months Before
“FIA,” I MUTTER, STOMPING INTO MY ROOM AND throwing open my closet door. “You’d better be having the time of your life to make up for abandoning me and forcing me to figure this all out on my own.”
When I agreed to talk to Mae, I didn’t realize they’d track her down within a day. I wanted to be useful, I did, I do, but this feels fast. I’m not sure what to say to save this girl. But it should work out, shouldn’t it? Since I’m doing the right thing?
There is the tiniest hint of an exhalation in the room and I spin around, clutching my things to my chest. “Who’s there?”
No one answers.
My heart racing, I edge toward the door. Now that I’m listening I can hear all the little sounds a body makes when it is trying its hardest to be silent. I open my mouth to scream, but . . . I know everyone in this house. I’m not going to be scared in my own room.
I plaster a smile on my face and shake my head. “You’re going crazy, Annie.” I let my shoulders relax, hum, and toss my clothes toward the bed, then walk out into the hall and close the door behind myself.
I count to twenty, then throw the door open and scream “GOTCHA!”
I’m answered by a shriek. A guy’s shriek. “Adam?”
“I’m so sorry,” he says. “I didn’t mean to—You came in, and I didn’t want you to know—I was looking for something but then it was too late to let you know I was in here, and then once I was quiet for a few seconds, it felt too weird to suddenly announce myself, and . . . I am so, so sorry.”
I frown. This is unlike him. He always lets me know when he comes into or leaves a room. “What were you looking for?”
“Umm. The phone. I was checking the phone. Rafael found a lab for me, so I won’t be here when you get back. I wanted to make sure we hadn’t missed any contact from Fia.”
I walk and sit down on the edge of my bed. “You could have asked.”
“Are you sure there’s no other way she might try to contact us? Email? Anything?”
“I would tell you if there were.”
He exhales heavily. “I thought she’d be back by now. I’m worried.”
My heart feels heavy in my chest. All Adam’s careful attention, all his kindness. He’s been good company, but now I know it has nothing to do with me. It’s about Fia. Everything always is, even when she is nowhere near, even when she left all of us. We still orbit the brilliant, chaotic burning of her star.
“You really care about my sister, don’t you?” I don’t want him to. He’s so sweet. I can’t imagine anyone loving Fia without being hurt by it.