“Hey! I’m a pleasure to work with!” Skylar was never a fan of my competitive streak or penchant to overachieve. Many of her afternoons during our childhoods were spent trying to convince me to put down a book and come do something ‘fun’. I take a steeling breath, deciding I can at least be honest about this. “You’re not going to believe it, but my co-captain is Hamilton.”
I brace myself for a reaction. Any reaction. With Skylar, you never know. Even so, I’m a little surprised when she just lets out a thoughtful, “Huh.” And then, “Yeah, that makes sense. It was always going to be one of you, right?”
“Yeah.” I wrap my arms around my knees. “We’ve also been stuck in Saturday detention together for the last month.”
“Detention? You? What did you do?”
“Well, it’s not as rebellious as it sounds. Dr. Ross gave both of us detention for being, like, ten seconds late.”
Skylar groans. “Oh, god, Dr. Ross! She’s such a total hardass. I’ll never forget freshman year, when she put down that line of masking tape, you remember? Anyone who didn’t have all appendages on the other side of it, down to the second, instant detention.” There’s a wistful tone in her voice.
I can’t help but wonder, “Do you miss it?”
“Preston?” She sighs but doesn’t wait for me to respond. “Sometimes. I like the program out here, though. I think it’s helped a lot, and I really love the horses and the farm. There’s no judgement from the animals, you know? I realize now that things weren’t right. That I wasn’t right. But out here, I’ve learned how to put myself first and not worry so much about pleasing others. You know that’s always been hard for me.”
I nod, frowning. “I know it has.”
A long stretch of quiet follows and I panic, captured by the strange worry that we might not have anything else to talk about.
And then Sky lets out a small, tentative, “Gwen?”
“Yeah?”
“How’s Xavier?”
“Oh.” I lean forward, thinking. “He’s doing okay. He actually asked me about you the other day.”
“He did?” I’m not sure how I feel about the hope in her voice.
“Yeah, he...” I pause but decide to give her this. “He wanted me to tell you that he’s sorry about everything that happened. And that he’s sorry he never got to tell you that.”
“Oh.” I hear the exhale on the other side of the phone. “I really liked him.”
“For what it’s worth, I think he liked you, too.” Again, there’s a long beat of silence, so much going unsaid about that night, about how everything imploded. This time, I’m the one to break it. “Sky, I’m really sorry about that night. I should have been there. I should have gone with you, or told you not to go, or—”
“Gwen, I hate to break it to you, but what happened that night had nothing to do with you. I was upset and insecure and drunk, and I let it all drive me to.... do that. Xavier and I had that stupid fight, and I think... well, I think maybe I understand now that he was upset and insecure, too. The both of us, feeling the way we did? It was a mess, right from the start.” Her sigh is a small, sad thing. “I just liked him so much, all I wanted was for him to like me back. And the thing is, he did. He really liked me. But the other Dev
ils didn’t, and they weren’t nice like Xavier, but they were his friends, and I thought... if anyone knows him, it’d be one of them.” She pauses for a moment but seems to recover. “It just got to my head, Gwen. That’s all.”
My voice is quiet and careful when I ask, “Was it really your idea to—” but I can’t say it. To give a dozen or more guys a blow job?
“It isn’t important,” she insists. “If there’s anything I’ve learned in all these months of therapy, it’s that the only thing I have control over is myself. Blame won’t fix what happened. I’m stronger now. More self-aware. That need I have to please everyone—I’m working on that. I’m not perfect, and I’m sure I’ll do stupid stuff again, but nothing like that. I promise.”
Tears prick at my eyes and I’m overcome by a burst of pride in my sister, for facing her demons, for putting in the work. But at the same time, it’s all tinged in sorrow that she’s had to deal with so much. “You’re pretty amazing, you know that?”
She chuckles, sniffing as well. “I had an awesome big sister who was always there for me. That helps.”
We talk for a while longer and I feel better about Skylar than I have in a long time—if ever. I do tell her a bit more about school, including meeting Tyson, and I even vaguely mention Hamilton.
“So he covered for you in detention while you were sick?” Her tone is incredulous. “Wow. That’s…”
“Surprising?”
“More than surprising. Shocking? Impossible?” She laughs. “Hamilton Bates doesn’t do anything nice for anyone.”
Warmth floods my chest at her statement, a spoken confirmation of what I’ve experienced. What Hamilton and I have is different. He’s different.
I hang up a little while later, and spend even longer in my chair, lost in thought. When I pick up my phone again, I see that there’s a text from Tyson, asking if I want to hang out with him and Presley.