“It’s probably more normal than you think.” I place another cord in the plastic box on the table. “It’s hard to think of you like that—how you were when you first got here. You were so shy and quiet.”
“I was terrified.” The cord in her hand unravels. We both jump to catch it and our hands brush. Electricity jolts between us. “Sometimes I’m still terrified.”
“Of what?”
She hands me the cord and sits on the table, dress pulling up her thighs. The dress is sweet, innocent. She has that way of dressing completely and totally appropriate yet all it does is make me want to do is touch that covered skin. Feel her mouth against mine. But then, there’s the other side. The one that lurks in my chest. I’m worried that I don’t know how to be the right person for her. How to move forward. Her eyes catch mine and I feel exposed, like she could tell what I was thinking.
“You’re hard to read,” she says suddenly, “and that makes me nervous.”
“I don’t mean to.”
“I know.” She smiles. “There are times when you and I are together alone that I feel so close to you. As close as I do with the others, but then when we’re in a group it’s harder to reach you.”
I look across the room at my twin and the two guys I think of as brothers. “The idea of being compared to them is more than a little intimidating.”
“What about me? I have to vie for your attention with those hot girls in your video games.”
That makes me blush, my cheeks and neck burning with fire. “Those aren’t real people, Starlee.”
She gives me a look that says if I have to clarify that out loud, then I may have a problem. I don’t. Not with pretend women. But this one in front of me…I reach a hand out and touch her knee.
I take a deep breath to steady myself for what I’m about to say. The timing seems wrong but I’ve been carrying it around for a while. She needs to know and I need to man up and say it. “There’s no one I find more beautiful than you. Not in the real world or the virtual one. You’re the best person I know, Starlee, inside and out. After everything with my dad...it’s hard to trust people.” I look over at George again. “My brother is like a golden retriever. He just wants love and affection. He needs it.”
“That’s a perfect description, but are you saying you don’t know if you can trust me?"
She watches me carefully. I wonder if she can hear my heart pounding hard in my chest. “No, I do trust you but, I don’t know, I’m not sure I trust myself?”
She reaches out and places her hand on my cheek. I want to turn into her, hug her, wrap myself inside her like a blanket. “He really fucked with your head, didn’t he?”
Tears burn at my eyes—not something I expected right here. “I’ll be okay.”
“You will,” she agrees, “and I’m here for you. Always. However you need it, the time, the space, all of it.”
“Thank you.”
She wraps her arms around me, holding me tight. After a minute she pulls back and says, “Also, don’t think I compare any of you. I don’t. Ever. You’re all different to me. Special and unique. What you and I have together is about us—and only us. Nothing that happens with them applies.” She raises her eyebrows. “Understand?”
“Perfectly,” I say, feeling that familiar rush of heat, the one that tells me it’s worth it to keep pursuing this. Pursuing her, until we get it right.
9
Starlee
My mom texts while we’re on the way home.
Meet me at Epic. Bring the boys.
“I thought they were closed tonight,” Dexter says, parking the Jeep.
We all climb out and Dex pockets the keys. As a group, we walk across the lawn.
“Did she say anything else?” Charlie asks.
“No,” I tell them. The main room is only faintly lit, but from the yard I see the side porch, the one where we shared kisses under the mistletoe, is lit up. Jake bounds up the stairs first, opening the door for everyone. The guys let me walk in first, Jake’s hand grazing my lower back.
“Mom?” I call, walking toward the enclosed porch. “You back here?”
“Maybe it’s like one of those Valentine's movies where everyone gets murdered,” George says in a whisper.