She sighed loudly, wrapped her arm around my shoulders, and sat me on the couch. “Want to talk about it?”
“That’s just it, Paige, I don’t even know where to begin, or what I’m feeling. I wanted to be there, but it was like once it was done, a fog cleared and it didn’t seem…real. Any of it.”
“They’re a different breed, Amy.”
“What do you mean?”
“Politicians. They’re different. One of their strongest features is charisma. Not all of them.” Paige rolled her eyes, as if mentally counting the people she knew to be otherwise. “But a lot of them. They have an ability to pull you in, consume your attention and focus, so all you can see is them. It’s not just your vote they go for, it’s your trust.”
I nodded, knowing firsthand that Roman was good at what he did. I had said as much to him earlier. But hearing Paige say it made everything hit home. I craved Roman’s attention, because when I had it, I felt special, a part of something. A part of his world.
“He treated me well,” I whispered. I’d never had in-depth conversations about sex, not even with Paige, mostly because there hadn’t been much to talk about. “But afterward, I couldn’t figure out why I felt so cold and alone. I had to get out of there.”
She nodded. “It’s kind of like a drug.”
“What is? Getting caught up in a politician’s charm?”
“No, getting caught up in a man.” Her voice was soft, like she was speaking from a place of real regret and sadness. If Paige had guy problems, she never spoke of them, or even showed an ounce of unease. “It’s scary and consuming even on its own. But add the power and cunning that come with a man like Governor Reese, and you’ve got a combination that’s hard to beat.”
I knew that. Roman was beyond a typical man. Politician or not, his presence screamed dominance.
“Not to mention, if he ‘treated you well’,” Paige added, nudging my shoulder, “it added to your freak out. You only feel bad about losing something if it’s worth missing.”
I smiled. That was true. The few times I’d been with Warren had been, well, nothing worth missing. After tonight, I was painfully aware that I had been walking around with a soul-slicing void in my gut: a deep emptiness that I hadn’t realized was so severe until I’d felt a connection with Roman.
“Did you tell him about your past?”
I shook my head.
“So he didn’t know you’d only slept with one guy, and the last time was more than two years ago?”
Again, I shook my head. It wasn’t a particularly awesome fact I enjoyed talking about. But apparently, not acknowledging it didn’t make it any less true, a situation I was very familiar with. Paige squeezed my shoulder and her voice became even softer.
“Do you want some Tylenol?”
Though tonight had been confusing as hell with a backlash of emotional turmoil I couldn’t quite sift through, it had been amazing and I didn’t regret it. However, the soreness from earlier was creeping up a little.
“Yeah, thank you,” I said.
Paige got up and walked to the kitchen cupboard where we kept the pills.
“Are you going to see him again?” she asked, handing me the medicine and a glass of water.
Her tone was a little different than it had been last night, when she’d asked me the same thing. Maybe she was coming around to the idea? I appreciated the kindness in her voice.
“Yes,” I answered instantly, and realized it had nothing to do with our arrangement. The alternative of not seeing him didn’t seem like an option. Already I was kind of wishing I hadn’t left. I wanted to be back in his presence. “There’s something about him, Paige.”
She nodded. “Just be careful. In this business, there’s always an angle. Find every ounce of strength you have and use it. All the time. Don’t cower and don’t back down. You control your world, okay?”
“You mean, power respects power.”
She smiled. “Exactly. And you’re stronger than you think.”
“Thank you.”
“You need anything else?”
“No, I’m good. Thanks for listening.”