“I just wonder why he needs the power the way he does.”
“If you don’t know, then it’s because he doesn’t want you to know.”
That hit straight to my chest. It was no secret that Jack behaved a certain way, especially in the bedroom, with a certain power. The need to exercise his will was part of his instinct. Whatever had caused that need was something he wasn’t sharing, and judging by what he’d just said, may never share.
Time.
My brain shuddered at the word. I wanted to know him. Bring out some kind of good feeling the way he brought them out in me. I wanted his trust in return. But, right then, I couldn’t expect it implicitly. I had gone against what I’d said. I’d demanded, tried to take over. Not to mention, I had no intention of telling him all the gritty details of my past. So, for now, his secrets were his to keep, and mine were mine.
“I realize I overstepped last night. I only hope I get another chance to show him I can obey.”
I trusted him, at the very least, with my body. Problem was, I was staring to trust him with more than that.
“Have a good evening,” he said.
I was about to ask when I’d see him, but the line went dead. I looked up at the endless windows, not knowing which was his, and kept looking for a moment.
I didn’t know if he could see me, or if he’d turned away, but I waited, and simply looked up.
Deep water was all I treaded when it came to Jack. I didn’t know what to expect, but I knew I wanted more. Whatever he’d give me: sex, punishment, attention, thought…I wanted it all.
Maybe I was jumping in blind, but I had claws. A fact I clung to. And for now, I may have to use them to hang on for whatever ride he had in store.
Because all I wanted was for it to continue.
Chapter Twelve
I hadn’t talked to Jack since yesterday afternoon. It was now Friday. I had no plans and hadn’t heard from my kind-of boyfriend.
I looked at the flowers sitting on the coffee table. Apparently, I had sighed because Harper handed me a container of Indian takeout food, and said, “What has you all mopey?”
She adjusted the rug by the door with her foot, making it perfectly even, before sitting down.
I opened my chicken tikka masala and shrugged.
“Oh no, don’t go all shy and quiet on me. What’s going on?”
I set the food down and looked at Harper, getting comfy on the couch in her sweats, perfectly happy to stay in tonight. Usually, I was the one who wanted to stay in our safe little home, far away from the city and any hope of being social.
“I want to be with him,” I said. “It’s crazy. I know it is. I just saw him a couple of days ago, and I already want to see him again. Not only that, I want to see him all the time. Then, there’s thinking about him…which I seem to always be doing.”
Harper nodded. “Yeah, this is the best part of a relationship, and the worst.” She looked at her food and took a bite. “The beginning where all you can think about is more.”
Yes! That was exactly it. “Will this feeling wear off?”
Harper scoffed and mumbled, “If you’re lucky.”
“Do you want to do something tonight?” I asked.
She shook her head. “I’m just going to go to bed early. It’s been a long week.”
I nodded. “Okay.” I looked at my best friend. “You know, I’m here. If you want to talk.”
She looked at me. “I know. I’m good.” She smiled, but I knew her better than that. There was so much going on behind her eyes, and I wish she’d let me in. The dynamic we’d had since we were kids was that I was the broken one and Harper was the strong one. I loved her, but had no idea if she was hurting. Or upset. She finished her dinner, then hugged me.
“I love you,” she whispered.
“I love you too.”