Evan whistles. “I’m sorry, man. What about Jamie? Have you called her?”
My head pops up. Fuck me! Why didn’t I think of that? Tapping the screen on my phone, I dial Jamie. It rings and rings until finally voice mail picks up. “Hey Jamie, it’s Aaron. Can you call me when you get this? Thanks.”
“Look, man, I know you think it was something that happened today, but I think you’re wrong. I’ve seen the way she looks at you. There’s something else. Maybe this Kathy woman is having a hard time and she needed Whitney’s help?”
“Okay, but then why the secrecy? Why would she not just tell me? I would have driven her.”
“Maybe Kathy wanted privacy?”
“Fuck! I just want to know she’s okay. How the fuck am I supposed to just sit back and wait?”
“Hey,” Kinley says hesitantly. “She texted me. It was hours ago. My phone was in the kitchen charging and on vibrate. I missed it.” She holds it out for me to read.
“So she told you and she told Olivia, but not me. Her boyfriend. She fucking told me she loved me. Why would she not tell me?”
“Aaron, maybe she had her reasons. Don’t jump to conclusions until you talk to her.” Kinley sits on the couch beside me and places her hand over mine on my leg. “Maybe she just needed a little space. That poor girl has been through so much.”
What is it with people? “I know what she’s been through. I was the one who would hold her all night long as she cried for all that she’s lost. I’m the one she said she loved. Me! Does that not count for something?”
“It does, but you have to give her the space she needs.”
“So, what? I just go on with life like my chest didn’t crack wide open when she left? I’m supposed to just go on being me? Well, guess what? I’m not fucking me. Not without her.”
“Calm down,” Evan says sternly. “It sucks, Aaron, we get that, but you have no other choice. Unless someone is willing to give you a hint, you don’t know where in Chicago to look for her. Give her a few days.”
“Unca Awon.” Lexi comes in carrying a piece of paper close to her chest. “For you,” she says with a sweet, beaming smile. I look at the picture and can’t quite figure it out. “It’s you and your gurfriend,” she says, laughing.
My heart startles. My girlfriend. My Whitney. Please let her be okay. Let us be okay.
“You wike it?”
I can’t speak, so instead I hug my niece and hold her close until I can. “Love it, Lexi girl. Thank you.” She grins and runs back to her room.
“I have to go.” I stand. Evan clasps my shoulder.
“You need us, you call, stop by, whatever. Just don’t think the worst. Give her some time.”
“She left me. I finally found her, and she left me.”
He gives me a sad smile. Kinley hugs me tight, and I leave with the promise to call them tomorrow.
Instead of going home, I drive past the house and head to the pond. It’s a last-ditch effort to feel closer to her. On the dock, I tap her contact and call her again. Again, straight to voice mail. “Whitney, please, baby. I just want to know you’re safe. I love you. Call me, please.” My voice cracks as I end the call. Lying back on the dock, I close my eyes and let the memories we made here wash over me.
Last night when I arrived at Kathy’s, neither one of us said much. I know she doesn’t think leaving was the right thing to do, at least not the way I did it. I was able to convince her to table any conversations that she might want to have until today. I was exhausted, emotionally and mentally drained. I just needed some sleep. Of course, sleep didn’t come easy. I tossed and turned all night.
“Morning,” Kathy greets me.
“Morning,” I mumble on my way to the coffeepot.
“Has he called?”
I shrug. “Don’t know. I turned my phone off before I left Kentucky.”
“Whitney!” she scolds me. “He’s got to be worried sick.”
She’s right, I know she is. “I know that. How do I shackle him with this? He’s so vibrant, kind, loving. He has the world at his fingertips and I can’t let my pending diagnosis interfere with that.”
“He told you he loves you?” she asks.
“Yeah, he loves me. I know he does and me him. I just. . . .”
“Just what? You want to be selfish?”
“What? How can you say that?”
“How can I not? That’s exactly what you’re being. You’ve yet to let him in.”
“What are you talking about? Of course I have. I told him I love him and I do. He knows about Mom, about my sperm donor taking off.”
She studies me as she sips her coffee. “So he knows you, but that doesn’t mean that you’ve let him in.”
“You’re talking in circles.”
“If you have let him in, you would want him with you more than anyone else. You would want him by your side. You would let yourself lean on him, take comfort in the love you have for each other and depend on him to pick you up when you’re down.”
“I do want him here. Next to Mom, he’s the one I want here. I can’t do it, Kathy. I know what it’s like to watch someone you love wither away to nothing. I know what it’s like to watch them fade and fight like hell at the same time. I know how it feels to feel like your chest is crushed from the pain of losing that person. I love him too much to let him go through that. If we end it now, he can find someone else,” I say on a sob. “Find someone who can live a long, happy life with him.”
“That’s not your choice, Whitney. It’s his. He should have the choice to stay or go.”
“They always go!” I yell through my tears.
Kathy wraps her arms around me. “Oh, sweetie, no they don’t. The good ones, they stay. They fight and hold you up when you can’t stand on your own. They stay and they love you through it.” Pulling away, she places her finger under my chin and lifts so that we are eye to eye. Hers are filled with tears too. “Honey, anything could happen. Life is full of uncertainties. You can’t be afraid to embrace what you have and hold on tight.”
“I lost her. I barely lived through it. I couldn’t handle losing him too, not fighting for my life. If I leave him, it’s done,” I confess.