Aaron leads us down the steps and introduces me to Mr. George, the contractor. After introductions, we make our way to the barn. Aaron gets right to it, pulling out plans from different houses he’s found and spreading them all out on the table.
“So you want four bedrooms?” Mr. George asks.
Aaron looks at me. “What do you think, Whit? You think we need more than that?”
“Uh, no, I think four is sufficient.”
“Yeah, we’ll have an office and the full basement, so let’s stay with four.”
“And you want the first floor master, correct?”
“Yes, but I want it to have living quarters that we can use as a mini nursery until the kids get older.”
I open my mouth to ask him how he thought of that, but think better of it and just continue to listen.
“Family room and living room?” Mr. George clarifies.
“Yeah.” Aaron looks at me. “You okay with that?”
“I—Yes.” This isn’t a house; it’s a damn mansion.
“Full basement,” Aaron adds. “The land is rolling so that shouldn’t be an issue.” He turns to face me. “So we agree we like the open floor plan, four bedrooms, four and half bathrooms. The kitchen layout good with you?”
“I, um . . . yes. It’s going to be beautiful, Aaron.”
He wraps his arm around my waist and kisses my temple. “We’re ready to move forward,” he tells Mr. George
“Great. All right, I think I have enough to draw up a set of plans. Once we get that finalized, we’ll need to walk the lot and determine what’s needed as far as utilities when it comes time to build,” Mr. George says.
My phone vibrates. I sneak a peek, and it’s Kathy.
Kathy: Don’t need anything. Just checking in.
My heart rate slows. She’s supposed to say call her when I have time if she has the results. This is her way of letting me know that she hasn’t heard anything yet. I type out a quick reply.
Me: All is good. Miss you.
I slide my phone back in my pocket just in time to say good-bye to Mr. George. Aaron walks him out, which gives me a few minutes to calm the hell down. When my phone dinged, I was sure it was her. That the results were back, and I’m scared as hell to hear what they are. I thought about it a lot last night, and I think I’m going to tell Aaron. I love him with everything in me, and I know that when he finds out I lied, he’s going to be angry. I can’t lose him over this; he brought me back to life. I need to just spit it out, like ripping off a Band-Aid.
I’m startled when Aaron wraps his strong arms around me. “I am so fucking excited!” I turn in his arms and a smile lights up his face.
“I’m happy for you,” I tell him. I really am.
“Us, baby. Happy for us.” He picks me up and swings me around in a circle. His laughter is contagious and I find myself joining him. When he finally sets me on my feet, we are both breathless. “I love you,” he says once his breathing is under control. Then he presses his lips to mine. It’s soft, sensual, and completely Aaron. I’m losing myself in him when my phone alerts me to a text. I stiffen.
“You okay?” he asks.
I pull my phone out of my pocket and see the text.
Kathy: Call me when you get time.
Shit! This is it; the results are back. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, fighting back the panic. I can’t let him see my panic. She must have gotten the call right after she sent the first text.
“Whit?”
My eyes pop open and I find him looking down at me, concern lacing his features. “Yeah, I just. . . . Kathy has been trying to reach me. I’ve been avoiding talking to her.”
He pulls me close, allowing me to rest my head on his chest. “Whit, I know it upsets you, but she misses her too,” he says gently.
If he only knew.
“Yeah, I know, I just. . . . I guess I should head home and talk to her. It’s more than likely going to be a long conversation.” I’m going to hell. That’s where you go when you lie to the ones you love. I’m just . . . scared, and I know I need to confess, but I just . . . can’t. He’s happy and high on life, and I can’t take that from him, not today.
After saying good-bye to Aaron with the promise to call him later, I head home. I don’t call Kathy on the way, because I don’t want to risk driving and being upset. It’s bad enough my concentration is shit without knowing the results. When I turn on our street, I slow down but don’t pull in.
I keep driving.
Olivia is home and I don’t want her to hear this. Instead, I drive, no destination in mind, just a lot of jumbled thoughts, feelings, and fears. I end up driving for an hour, stopping at a little park a few towns over. I remember passing it on my way here many months ago. It’s been less than a year but feels like it’s been a lifetime.
Putting the car in park, I grip my phone and take a deep breath. Time to face the music. Pulling up Kathy’s contact, I hit Send, exhale, and place the phone to my ear.
“Hey,” she greets me. “Can you talk?”
That doesn’t sound good. “Yeah, I had to get away.”
“You still haven’t told him? Any of them?” she asks.
“No, I was going to today. I wanted to, but Aaron, he was so excited about this house he’s building. We met with the contractors, and he was just . . . ecstatic, and I couldn’t take this day from him.”
“Whitney.” She sighs. I can hear the disapproval in just the way she breathes my name.
“I know, okay. I know that it’s wrong and that he’s going to be pissed, but I couldn’t do it. His smile, he was so damn happy.”
“You know what I think, but it’s your life.” I hear papers rustling. “So the results are back. Whit, honey, they need you to come in for more testing.”
I stop breathing. No, that can’t be, because my heart is beating a thunderous roar in my chest. If I wasn’t breathing, that wouldn’t happen. More tests. Squeezing my eyes closed, I try to fight off the tears, but the effort is wasted as they fall freely regardless.
“Whitney.” Kathy’s voice is soothing. It’s what I call her doctor voice. “Listen, this doesn’t mean that it’s cancer. It just means that there was an abnormal finding and we need to do more tests to make sure we know what it is. It could be a number of things. Cyst, scar tissue. . . .”