I don’t hesitate with my response. I reach out to McKinley and pull her close. “That’s right, baby. That’s Momma,” I tell her. It might be wrong of me to do that without discussing it with Kinley first, but damn it, I want her to be her momma. I want to live each day for the rest of our lives just like we have the last two months. I don’t want to let her go.
McKinley pulls away, wiping at her tears. “You can’t do that,” she tells me. “You can’t tell this precious little girl I’m her momma. You can’t tell my heart I’m her momma. This is temporary, Evan. You can’t do that to her, to me,” she cries.
“What if it’s not? What if this is permanent?”
“Oh, Evan, we both know that’s not what this is.”
“Bullshit.”
“Watch your language around her,” she fires back.
Lexi starts to cry and McKinley reaches for her. “Aunt Kinley’s here, baby. Let’s get you home.” She takes her and straps her in the seat. Instead of sitting up front with me like she did on the way here, she climbs in the back to sit with Lex. I don’t regret what I said, but it’s apparent she still doesn’t feel the way I do. My chest feels like a knife has been twisted through it, but I don’t let it show. Instead, I drive my girls back to the house and unload McKinley’s equipment while she takes Lexi in and makes her a bottle.
I kick the Mule’s tire once they are inside, swallowing the scream that wants to tear from my throat. The woman I love, my wife, doesn’t love me back. That’s a hard pill to swallow.
As soon as Lexi is finished with her bottle, she’s sound asleep. I lay her in her crib and walk across the hall to our room. My heart is breaking. Little tiny shards of it fall away each day closer to the trial. When she called me momma . . . devastating. I want that so much.
I curl into a ball on the bed and let the tears fall. I hear Evan downstairs. He agreed with her, but he’s caught up in this, in us being real while there is still a threat of Misty’s parents. I can’t let myself be mom and have it taken away. I just . . . can’t. I close my eyes and drift off to sleep.
When I wake a little while later, I feel warm lips press against my neck. “I don’t want to fight with you, McKinley,” Evan says softly. “I’m sorry I didn’t correct her. I will in the future. I just . . . I don’t want to fight with you, baby.” He sounds broken. “I don’t like finding you in our bed with your cheeks wet from tears. It breaks my fucking heart. I just want you happy. Today was amazing and I want that back,” he says.
I roll over to face him. “Today was amazing,” I confess. His thumb traces my lips. “I love her, Evan. I love her so much, and I just . . . don’t want to confuse things—-confuse her. I know she’s just a baby and she won’t remember today, but can we . . .”
“I’m sorry,” he says, pulling me tighter against his chest. “Let’s go back. If she does it again, we’ll just ignore it or tell her your name. Hell, I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m doing with her.”
“You do. It was impulse from the day we were having. I’m not angry and I don’t want to fight with you either.”
“Thank fuck,” he mumbles as his l
ips take mine.
Within minutes, we’re both naked and he’s reaching into the nightstand for a condom. As soon as he slides in, we hear Lexi whimper over the baby monitor. “Great timing, baby girl,” he chuckles, resting his forehead against mine.
“She can wait a few minutes. She’s not crying and . . .” I raise my hips.
“Yeah?” he asks.
I nod. Lexi whimpers again. “Hard and fast,” I say, biting my bottom lip.
“But this is make-up sex,” he pouts.
I smile. “It’s with you, Evan, that’s all that matters. Now get busy before Miss Lexington decides we’re missing the party.”
That’s all the motivation he needs before he slides out and slams back in. I wrap my legs around his waist and grip onto his back, holding on for the ride. “Help me, beautiful,” he pants. I nod and slide my hand between us. The sensation of touching myself while he pushes in and out of me isn’t new for us. This isn’t the first time we’ve had to work around Lexi’s sleep schedule.
A few rotations of my two fingers and I’m close. “So close,” I breathe.
“Me too,” he tells me as he sucks a nipple into this mouth. The sensation has me screaming out his name. This, in turn, causes Lexi to scream as well.
Evan stills; then he’s resting his weight on me.
“She’s not impressed.” He grins.
“No, she’s not, but we usually run right to her. She’s a little spoiled,” I admit.
“Yeah,” he agrees, lifting off of me. I run to the bathroom and clean up while he discards the condom, throws on some shorts, and goes to soothe a pissed off Lexi.
When I step out of the bathroom, I find them lying in bed. “She looks happy.”