I’m a fucking mess.
Lexi whines from her bed and even though she barely slept last night, I can’t prevent the smile I know I’m sporting right now. Her being awake, again, means I get to hold her. The nurses said I’m going to spoil her. Of course I am, she’s my little angel.
“Come here, sweet girl,” I whisper as I lift her from her bed. She immediately goes quiet and closes her eyes. I take a seat back on the bed and lay her against my chest. My little girl wants her daddy. It’s a heady feeling, one that has twisted my heart around her chubby little fingers.
I wake up to the sound of soft voices. “He’s held her most of the night.” I open my eyes to see who’s talking. McKinley is here, talking to one of the nurses.
“Hey, sleepyhead.” She smiles softly—my smile, the one that makes her eyes sparkle. I could get used to waking up to that smile.
“Hi.” I kiss Lexi on top of the head and slowly sit up.
“Can I?” Kinley asks, her eyes never leaving my daughter.
I nod. My throat is tight with too much emotion from her simple request. My daughter’s mother wants nothing to do with her, yet this amazing girl can’t seem to get enough of her.
“Hello, sweet girl,” she whispers as she pulls her close and breathes her in. “I brought her some clothes,” she says, her voice soft and low. “I also brought the car seat, but we’re leaving it in my car. No way are we taking Miss Lexi home in your truck. I thought you were going to get a new one?” she asks.
“She kind of surprised me,” I chuckle and point to Lexi. “But, yes, I had planned on a new truck before she arrived. Thank you for the clothes for her and the car seat.”
“There’s a bag for you too.” She nods toward the chair across the room. I see Lexi’s manly diaper bag that Kinley picked out, as well as a bag for me.
“Thank you for taking care of us.”
“It was nothing. Now go shower and let me have my Lexi time.” She grins.
Standing from the bed, I lean down and kiss Lexi on top of her tiny little head then do the same with Kinley. I hear her intake a breath and have to make myself stand and walk into the bathroom to freshen up.
I rush through a shower. It does wonders to wake me up. I’m packing my dirty clothes back into the bag when I hear someone singing. Careful to not make a sound, I move toward the door and quietly turn the handle. McKinley is sitting in the chair singing to Lexi. I can’t tell if she’s got her rapt attention or if Lexi is sound asleep. Regardless, I’m captivated.
I push open the door, alerting her that I’m done with my shower. I watch as a blush creeps over her cheeks. “Oops, looks like Daddy caught us.”
Daddy. I’m a daddy.
“What are you girls up to?” I ask like I didn’t just catch her.
“Just having some girl time, right, Lexi?” she asks.
“Uh-huh. Thanks again for the clothes. That shower felt so damn good.”
“You’re welcome. I’m sure you smell better.” She finally looks up at me, and she’s grinning like a fool.
“Har har.”
This causes her to chuckle, a sound I’ve grown rather fond of over the last several months.
“So what time does she get released?”
“Soon. The doctor said babies usually stay until the mom is discharged, but due to our situation, Lexi is doing well, eating good, so we can go home. I have to make an appointment with her pediatrician in three to four days just to make sure she’s gaining weight and all is well,” I explain.
“I bet you’ll be glad to have her home. Get settled into a routine?”
“Yeah, it’s surreal really.” I don’t tell her I’m scared as hell. That being here with the nurses checking up on me gave me confidence. Who’s going to check up on me at home? Gran and Gramps are up there in age; neither one of them get around all that well. Mom, Dad, Grandma, and Grandpa won’t be able to make the trip from Alabama. It’s just me and Lexi.
“I brought her a cute outfit for her hospital pictures and there’s a gift for you in the diaper bag.”
“Kinley—” I start to protest.
“Oh hush! Just say, ‘Thank you, Kinley,’ and open the bag,” she scolds me.