“There’s a Babies“R”Us in town. Let’s go there first,” she suggests.
“Sounds as good a place to start as any.”
“So . . . have you thought about the possibility of getting rid of this old thing?” she asks as she pats her hand affectionately on the dashboard.
“What? What’s wrong with my truck? This baby has been with me from day one.”
Laughter escapes her lips. “Yes, I’m well aware. You and Aaron are both attached to your trucks. However, you are going to be hauling precious cargo in just a few months. It’s safer for babies to be in the backseat.”
Shit! I let her words sink in. “Okay, so it looks like I have something to add to the list.” I hand her my phone.
“Don’t look so sad,” she teases, handing the phone back to me.
“It’s not sadness as much as . . . apprehension. I’m doing this on my own, Kinley. That’s not how I imagined this would play out.”
“Maybe not, but this is your reality, Evan. Life is messy and unplanned. Very rarely do things work out exactly as we wanted them to.”
“I know that. Trust me, I do, but I feel like I’m spinning out of control here. I have no idea how to take care of a baby. Gran and Gramps are not in good health. Dad is . . . not well. Besides, he and Mom need to stay in Alabama to be near his doctors. I’m fucking scared to death I can’t do this.” The words leave me in a rush. I feel ashamed for admitting it out loud, but it is what it is.
Reaching over, she places her hand on my arm. “Evan, from the minute you found out Misty was pregnant, you wanted this baby, right?”
With a quick glance at her, then moving my eyes back on the road, I answer, “Yes.”
“That’s all you need to remember. This baby is a part of you. You will love him or her unconditionally and do your best. Do you think our parents had it all figured out? Not hardly. You take each day as it comes. You face the challenges life throws at you. You make sure your child knows how much you love them. Everything else will fall into place.”
“I hope you’re right,” I mumble the words. The rest of the drive is spent in silence. It’s not awkward or uncomfortable. McKinley gives me the space I need to process what she said. Space to work through this fear I have of ruining my kid’s life.
I pull into the parking lot of Babies“R”Us and kill the engine. It’s full of SUV’s and minivans. I can’t see myself driving a minivan.
“What?
?s wrong?”
I point to the silver van parked in front of us. “I don’t think I’m a minivan dad.”
Kinley throws her head back and laughs. “Of course not. You’ll be the cool dad with a big four-door truck. That’s the most practical for your job, you know.” She winks at me and my jeans tighten just a little. Just enough that I know my body responds to her; to remind me she’s Aaron’s little sister and only here to help me; to bring back that my kid’s mother wants nothing to do with either of us.
“Let’s go, old man. We have some shopping to do.”
Kinley hops out of the truck and waits for me by the tailgate. I slowly climb out and join her. Linking her arm through mine, she guides me into the store. Once inside, she stops to get a cart. “Just in case we find any deals.” She grins and again I find myself under her spell.
Kinley pushes the cart, glancing up and down the aisles. I walk beside her, taking it all in. She leads us to the back of the store where a huge sign reading “Furniture” hangs from the ceiling.
“Okay, so you will need to decide what color furniture you want. I would suggest going with the color of the trim in your house. Make it all match.”
“Yeah, that sounds about right,” I say, pulling off my hat and running my fingers through my hair.
“There are several designs. I guess you should also decide how you’re going to decorate the room.”
“Umm. . . .” Decorate the room? Shit! I’m in way over my head. Kinley must notice because the look on her face is one of understanding.
“Yeah, usually there is a theme, you know—cars, planes, movie characters, things like that. Unless you go completely unisex, you should probably wait to find out what you’re having before making any big decisions,” she rambles on.
“Yeah, we, uh, we can find out at her next appointment. She doesn’t care either way, and at first, I was on the fence. But seeing all this, I think knowing could only help me prepare better.” I decide.
“I agree.” A woman with a baby on her hip and too many items in her arms walks by. “Ma’am, would you like this cart? We’re just looking,” Kinley offers.
“Yes! Thank you. I came in for a few things . . .” She shrugs her shoulders. “You know how that goes.”