“This is, uh….” He reached for his water glass and swallowed down the food.
Daniel started laughing. “Oh God, it’s awful, isn’t it?”
“No, not awful, just….” Asher searched for some word that wouldn’t be a complete lie and yet wouldn’t be insulting.
“Awful. The word you’re looking for is awful. I’ll make you a sandwich.” Daniel started to get up from the table. But Asher clasped his wrist.
“Seriously, sugar, it’s fine. Not the best spaghetti I’ve ever had, but not bad enough to throw away. And I appreciate that you took the time to make it for me.”
“Yeah?” Daniel gave him a shy, hopeful smile, and Asher knew he would have agreed to just about anything in response.
“Yes.” He took another couple of bites of pasta to prove his point. “Now, talk to me. Did you give any thought to what kind of work you want to do?”
“Not really.” Daniel squirmed in his chair and shrugged.
“Well, when you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? Maybe that’s a good way to start.”
“When I was a kid?” Daniel asked, confusion clear in his tone.
“Yeah. Like I dreamed of being a professional football player, Batman, a fireman, or a cop. You know, normal kid stuff. Didn’t have the speed for football or the superpowers for Spiderman, not a big fan of not breathing, so I went with cop.”
Daniel thought about the question. “I don’t know if I had dreams like that. I mean, I’ve tried out a bunch of different jobs and they’ve mostly been fun. But what I dreamed of being?”
“Uh-huh.” Asher nodded. “When you were in bed at night and you thought about the future or when you blew out candles on your birthday cake, what did you wish for? What did you want most of all?”
“Nothing complicated. Mostly I just wanted to be wanted or needed or whatever. Wanted to feel like I belonged.”
Asher reached out and took Daniel’s hand. “You didn’t feel like you belonged?”
“No, don’t look all sad like that.” Daniel smiled at him. “I don’t have a sob story or anything. My parents loved me. It’s just, you know, my biological dad wasn’t ever around much. He married Oliver’s mom, but with mine, they split before I was even born and she married my first stepdad when I was a baby. There was a string of stepfathers and special uncles after that. My mom was a dancer and then a choreographer when she got older. We moved around a lot, depending on where she had a show or where whoever she was with at the time lived. She always made sure I was taken care of, her guys were pretty decent, and I met all sorts of people but….” Daniel shrugged. “There was so much motion, you know? People would come and go from our lives all the time. Made me feel alone, and I hated it. Just wanted someone to need me enough to stay around, I guess.”
Chapter 13
“HEY, you okay?” Oliver asked as he settled into a chair in Asher’s office.
“I’m ready for this fucking day to end already,” Asher replied and rubbed his hand over the back of his neck.
A dead suspect. Two officers who shot at him. Somewhere along the way, one of the officers had taken a bullet to the shoulder. They didn’t know whether it was from the suspect’s gun or one of their own. The day was the very definition of clusterfuck.
“I bet. It’s already water cooler fodder in my office. Is Davis going to be okay?”
“We don’t know yet. Last I heard he was out of surgery, but they don’t know if he’ll have muscle damage.”
“Hey, muscle damage is still alive, right? That’s what matters,” Oliver pointed out.
“Alive, yeah. Back on the street, no. It’s his right shoulder, which means he may not be able to carry a piece again. That man is a fourth-generation cop. He’s thirty-two years old. If he has to turn in his shield, he’ll be crushed.”
“Yeah, I see that.” Oliver grimaced. “Fucking sucks, man. How about his partner, the new guy?”
“Rogers. He’s suspended until IA finishes their investigation. They need to run the bullet they pulled out of Davis through ballistics and interview a shitload of witnesses and fuck knows what else. But, honestly, I don’t think the kid’s coming back. When I got to the scene, he’d already puked twice and he was shaking so hard, I was sure he was going to keel over.”
Oliver leaned forward and rested his forearms on his knees. “Why was he throwing up and shaking? Is he on something?”
“Nah, dial it down, counselor. The kid was just scared out of his mind. His partner was down, there was a perp bleeding all over the place, and then they pronounced him DOA. Something tells me the reality of the job doesn’t match whatever Rogers had in his head when he chose this career path. I just hope it wasn’t his bullet in Davis. ’Cause if he shot his partner….” Asher shook his head. “There’d be a fuckin’ shitstorm heading his way that I wouldn’t wish on any of my guys.”