When I got back, my thigh and calf muscles reminded me rock climbing and running weren’t the same kind of exercise as biking in a mountain town. I was exhausted. After unpacking the groceries, fixing the marinade for the steaks, and soaking in a relaxing bath, I crawled into Declan’s bed and inhaled his pillow.
I fell asleep hugging it and sniffing it in a way that might have come off as creepy in a teen slasher flick but was totally normal in real life.
I slept for hours. When I finally woke up, I realized the sun was getting low in the sky. I made my way down to the kitchen and pulled out the green beans to wash them when I realized I didn’t know if Declan was even going to make it home at a decent hour.
I went out to the car to get my phone from the glove box. When I powered it on, the damned thing took on a life of its own in my hand.
Stress and guilt tried to flood back in my gut, but I forced it away. Even if I’d been in the wrong, I still wasn’t even close to the worst case of actors behaving badly on set.
But the messages weren’t about the film. Not exactly.
“What the fuck,” I said, feeling the blood rush out of my head so quickly, it left me dizzy. I read text after text about an explosion on the set. People trapped, injuries, emergency response.
Fuck. Fuck. I quickly dialed Declan’s number, but there was no answer. Did he know about it? Had they reached him in Denver to tell him about it?
I raced back to the house for my shoes before jumping in the car and screaming my way up the mountain in the McLaren. When I came to a stop at the barricade, I jumped out and began running.
I couldn’t believe my eyes. There were emergency vehicles everywhere. Rescue crews in safety harnesses and helmets. Floodlights set up and K-9 units wandering around. The media were clamoring to get access to the property, but they were held back on the road. The only way I managed to get past was one of the deputies recognizing me and giving the attendee at the barrier permission to let me through.
“The sheriff was looking for you,” Deputy Kepplow called to me. “He’s over by the cave-in.”
My heart jumped in relief. Declan was here. He was here, and I was going to be able to see him in person.
I still couldn’t believe this had happened. Who was hurt? Were people still missing? Had there been fatalities? I couldn’t even wrap my head around it. What if I’d been here? What if I’d been in the cave when the explosion had happened?
I jogged past some cast and crew who still looked dazed, when my eyes finally landed on the sweaty sheriff in the crumpled uniform. He looked like hell.
“Dec?” I called, slowing down in case he was busy. I didn’t want to distract him from his job.
His head whipped around until his eyes landed on me. I could see the disbelief on his face. “Finn?”
I nodded and began walking closer.
“Finn?” he asked again, incredulous. His voice broke a little, and he lunged for me. “Oh god, baby, shit. Oh, Finn.”
He grabbed me and held on so tightly I nearly lost my breath. “I’m okay,” I said over and over.
“I thought you were in the cave. And then… and then they opened it up and you weren’t there. You weren’t there. No one knew where you were. I wondered if you’d gone climbing. If the concussion from the explosion had knocked you off the mountain. I wondered if—fuck.”
He clutched my hair in a fist and kept his other arm wrapped all the way around my waist so I was pressed against him from hip to head. Declan’s entire body shook against me.
“I’m sorry,” I said against his collarbones. He smelled like sweat and dust, maybe even smoke. “I didn’t know. I turned off my phone. I refused to stay here when I learned he was going to blow up the mountain. But I didn’t think… I didn’t think he would actually do it!”
Declan pulled back just enough to grab my face in his big hands. “I thought you were in there. I thought you were hurt. I can’t lose you. Finn… I can’t…”
I grabbed the front of his uniform in two fists. “I love you. You’re not losing me.”
As soon as I said the word, his eyes closed in a kind of prayer before opening back up. “Are you just—”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “No I’m not just saying it. I bought a bike.”
Declan’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “I don’t understand.”
Of course he didn’t. My brain was leaping all over the place. “I bought a mountain bike. And I told the guy at the bike store I lived in Aster Valley. With you. Because I want it to be true, and I… I…” It was too soon and too inappropriate of a situation to talk about this, so I simply repeated what I’d said already. “I want it to be true.”