But here I was feeling grateful Sam was sharing his feelings with me. It made me second-guess my habit of keeping my own feelings locked inside.
“I’m glad you have such a good friend,” I said lamely. “But… I still can’t believe your family did that to you. I thought…”
My head spun with so many thoughts. The confusion must have shown on my face.
Sam brushed my hair back and met my eyes. “You thought what, sweetheart?”
“Are all families like this?” The emotion of the question and simultaneous realization hit me suddenly, causing my voice to crack. “I thought… I thought families were supposed to love you. I thought…”
Woah. My eyes flooded. It was too much. The conversation was supposed to be about him. About his family troubles, not mine. I lurched off the bed and hurried to the bathroom to try and get control of myself.
I should have known Sam would be right behind me.
“Hey, hey,” he said softly, grabbing me from behind and pulling me against his front. He wrapped his arms around me and bent his head down to brush a kiss against my ear. “What just happened in there?”
I shook my head and tried to get out of his hold, but he didn’t let me.
“Take a breath,” he murmured. “Take a breath, but please don’t ask me to let you go.”
Instead of trying to pull away again, I turned in his hold and laid my cheek against the soft hair on his chest. “I think families suck,” I said angrily. “So badly. It’s so freaking unfair your family did that to you. I thought families were supposed to love you, to think of your needs above theirs, to be there for you and build you up.” As my rant increased, so did the roughness in my voice. “And it’s all lies. Families are awful. They’re horrible. Why don’t people call them out for what they are? It’s so unfair. Look at Mikey. His dad tried to keep him from being with the love of his life, and he doesn’t even care that his son doesn’t want to talk to him anymore. He doesn’t even care!”
I barely noticed Sam’s attempts to shush me because I was on a roll.
“And after everything you’ve done to help your mom and your sisters, they reward you with lies. To lie about being hurt? And it wasn’t true? That’s horrible. So awful.” I shuddered. “And Sheriff Stanner sits back and lets Patrick and Craig commit actual crimes instead of trying to teach them to be better people, to find more productive ways to spend their time. No one helped Gene find another job after the resort closed. They’ve had years to help him get back on his feet, and yet they’re so hell-bent on revenge… And then what about me?”
At this point the crying was too much for me to keep talking. I clung onto Sam with everything I had, fully realizing this breakdown would most likely be the end of whatever it was we might have been starting between the two of us.
“What about me?” I repeated over and over into his chest as he held me tight and tried to soothe my broken heart.
I didn’t even notice when he carried me back to bed and laid me down. I didn’t notice when he found a soft hand towel and tried to dry my tears.
But I did notice I’d taken his moment of heartbreak and turned it into my own.
“I’m so sorry,” I said, changing my mantra on a dime. “I’m so sorry. It’s not about me. I’m so sorry.”
I felt like the lowest scum. How could I have been so selfish? I pulled the towel out of his hands and used it to finish sopping up the mess on my face before getting up the nerve to look at him. I expected an expression of forced patience on his face or maybe even pity.
But that’s not at all what I saw.
“I think you’re incredible,” he said. The expression on his face was part tender adoration and part… pride? “And it’s about time you realized you were dealt a super-shitty hand.”
“We weren’t talking about me. And I made this all about me. I’m the worst.”
Sam smiled, changing his face from his signature intense gaze to a soft and tender affection. “You’re the best.”
“I’m sorry,” I said again.
“Truman, you’ve been pushing down this pain for so long. You’ve spent years trying not to make waves, trying not to expect much of anyone. It’s about time you realized you deserve better. You deserve better now, and you for damned sure deserved better then.”
“But what about you?” I said with a final sniffle.
Sam ran his hands into my hair again. “I deserved better then, too. And I deserve better now. That’s why I came back to Aster Valley. And now I think we need to shower off these tears and go face the day. I’m bound and determined to put my family out of my mind today as we tackle your to-do list.”