My heart stretched its wings and did a little joyous loop-de-loop. If only it was sustainable. But the fact he hadn’t acted on it in two years was proof it wasn’t. There were reasons we couldn’t do this long-term.
I blinked up at him, deciding to take it one day at a time and push off the fear and stress for a future version of Mikey who would—please god—be better equipped to handle it.
“Thank you for coming after me,” I said, leaning up to kiss him again. “Let’s go have a very Rainey Christmas.”
When we returned to the kitchen, Luke and Jill were in the kitchen sorting out the food while Stephanie sat on the floor in the sitting area setting up a Connect Four game for the kids. Moose had the remote control and was flipping between sports channels.
As soon as Jill saw me, she bounced on her feet and clapped her hands. Her eyes jetted back and forth between Tiller’s and mine. “Oh, please, please,” she said under her breath. “Please make an announcement.”
Tiller’s large hand slid against mine, our fingers twisting together naturally. “No announcement, Mom. We’re just… enjoying spending time together.”
She clasped her hands together over her heart and gave us a look of true affection. It was the kind of maternal moment I rarely had with my own mother, not because she didn’t love me but because she simply didn’t stop and pay attention to those kinds of things. She was flighty at the best of times. But it felt nice to be loved by Jill, and even Moose tended to stop and ask about me whenever we were together. He’d never once treated me like Tiller’s employee. He’d always welcomed me to their family as a real friend.
Moose called over from the sofa. “Stop giving the boys a hard time. Mikey, please tell me that’s your gingerbread I smell. Ever since you sent some in the mail last year, I haven’t been able to get them out of my mind.”
I couldn’t hold back the grin. “I’ll make sure you get the first ones. Maybe the kids want to help me decorate them later.”
The kids shouted their agreement without leaving the game. Moose turned to Tiller. “So Coach told me the team docs want to reassess you. Get you back out there sooner. Isn’t that great?”
“They want you to play?” I blurted. I’d assumed they just wanted him back on the bench or in the booth consulting. It had never occurred to me they wanted to put him back out there before he was ready.
Tiller held up a hand. “Coach was just upset after the loss. I don’t think he really means to play me. The local PT told me I still had at least three weeks before even considering getting back on the field.”
Moose balked. “Bah, that man doesn’t know pro football. He’s just some local yokel. You gotta trust the league docs to know what’s right. And they say it’s time to get back to work, so that’s what you’re gonna do.”
Tiller snuck a glance at me, making my stomach drop. It hadn’t hit me until then how often he looked to me for an opinion. It made me feel smart and competent, not to mention special. I didn’t want to let him down.
Unspoken words flashed quickly between us. Tiller’s shoulder sure as hell wasn’t ready to be tested against the brutal challenge of a pro football game before it was fully healed.
But I wasn’t about to interfere with the man’s career. I gritted my teeth and tried smiling at him in a way that agreed with trusting the pros. He winced but continued looking at me for a beat. Suddenly, his face softened and he reached out a hand to my hip. His touch made me suck in a breath.
His thumb slid under the edge of my shirt and brushed the skin of my hip just over my waistband. “It’s okay,” he said low enough only I could hear it. “I’ll call Krystal and ask her what the team PTs are saying. Sound good?”
I could barely breathe, but I managed a tiny nod. He smiled. “Good.” His hand squeezed on my hip before he took his phone out of the room.
I busied myself helping reheat the food and asking Jill and Steph for help preparing the table for a big midday meal. After the board game, Luke had taken the kids outside to see the views of the barren slopes through the naked trees at the edge of the property. It was a beautiful, sunny day. Hard to believe it was cold outside when the sky was bright and blue like that. I decided to enjoy this day as much as I could since it was our last one here.
When everything was underway, I snuck out to shower and dress in my room. When I came out of the bathroom with a towel around my waist and water still dripping off my hair, Tiller was sitting on the edge of my bed. I could tell immediately from his body language that the news wasn’t good.