“Zach,” Jake said in surprise. “How’s it going up there? I see you’re having some weather.”
“Yeah. Just glad it’s not snow. Listen, didn’t you tell me one time you had a lab test a mysterious substance one of your patients found on a baby bottle or something?” I knew I at least owed my brother some questions about how he and Oz were doing, but my impatience to determine what had caused the nearly disastrous accident was at the forefront of my mind.
There was a pause while Jake presumably tried to remember what I was talking about. It had been a long time ago.
“Oh right. No, it was an unlabeled bottle of something that a child had gotten into in their grandparents’ garage. When the kid ended up in the hospital, the parents suspected it was due to ingesting the mysterious substance, so we needed to know what it was to help us determine whether or not there were any long-term effects. Why? Is someone in your program sick?”
If he knew the real reason I was asking, he’d flip his fucking lid and show up here in Glacier with a troop of angry uncles demanding justice for the adopted nephew they all considered blood. Right after they went off on whoever was responsible for the stuff getting all over the rope, they’d be coming after me for defiling their sweet, innocent little Lucky.
And rightfully so.
“No one is sick. We just found a mysterious corrosive substance on one of our ropes and wondered if there was a way to have it tested to determine where it came from,” I murmured. God, Jake was going to hate me for what I’d done to Lucky. My big brother had warned me that Lucky had struggled after I’d rejected him two years earlier, and I’d gone and done the same damn thing but a thousand times worse.
“Sure. There are several labs that can do that kind of testing. I’ll email you a list.” Jake paused to talk to someone else, presumably Oz, before coming back to me. “Anything else? You still planning on coming to see us soon?”
I ran my fingers through my hair. “Yeah. We’ll be done here in another week or two, depending on the weather. Then I can come down.”
I hated myself for the lie, but I wasn’t about to explain to my big brother why I was reneging on my promise to come for a visit.
“Great, I’ve got a special brew in the works for you.”
I found myself half smiling. My brother had a strange obsession with making his own beer. When we were kids, he’d absolutely refused to even have a sip of alcohol before he’d turned twenty-one, but once he’d hit that legal age, he’d become a beer aficionado. I, on the other hand, was happy as long as my beer was wet and cold.
“How are things going up there?” Jake asked hesitantly.
“Fi—” I began to say before Tag’s words about me always saying I was fine cut me off at the knees. I searched for something else to say, but everything I could come up with sounded like another version of the “I’m fine” response.
“It’s beautiful up here, Jake. We should… we should maybe plan to climb here sometime,” I said softly. I knew it would never happen because I couldn’t risk being around my big brother for that amount of time and still keep my secrets from him, but even just the thought of having that kind of time with Jake made something inside of me twist painfully.
“I’d like that, Zach,” Jake responded. He hesitated a moment and added, “Lucky’s fathers are planning this family hiking thing for when he comes home… maybe you can join us for that since you guys will be here at the same time.”
“Maybe,” I hedged. “How… how’s Lucky doing?” I asked. “He’s in Yellowstone, right?” I pinched the bridge of my nose for bringing up the obvious lie. What was I doing?
“Yeah. He’s been… quiet,” Jake responded. “But I’m sure he’ll snap out of it when he’s back home.”
I was pretty certain he wouldn’t… especially if I was anywhere nearby. It was another reason to turn tail and run from this whole thing the second I was able to.
“Hey, um, I’ve gotta go,” I said.
“Alright. You sure you’re okay, Zach?” Jake asked.
“Yeah, I’m fi—” I began, then stopped suddenly. Fuck, who was I kidding? I pulled in a breath and said, “I’m fine, Jake.” I could practically hear his disappointment when he finished saying his goodbyes, but I couldn’t find it in myself to say anything else.
So what if “fine” was my new normal? It had gotten me this far, hadn’t it? And Lucky… he’d get over what had happened between us. He was young and had a good family and friends to watch out for him. He’d find himself a nice guy who knew how to treat him right and he’d go back to being the sweet young man who was so much more than “fine.” This whole thing with me would be nothing more than a brief regret in an otherwise perfect life. In two weeks, we’d go our separate ways for good.