It would be this time too.
But even as my mind had the thought, it refused to command my feet to move and I just hung there between the quiet of Lucky’s room and the loudness of the outside world that I had to work so hard to hide in.
One step forward.
That was all.
One step.
Chapter 14
Lucky
I was every bit the kid Zach had always accused me of being. I didn't know how else to explain my behavior other than foolish and childish. I’d wanted Zach so badly I hadn't even considered the consequences of not being completely up front with him. I had no idea what had possessed me to believe that I could somehow fake my way through having sex for the first time. Maybe if Zach hadn't been such an observant person, the outcome would've been entirely different, but chances were I'd be wallowing in my room and crying for an entirely different reason. And not once had I even thought to consider how Zach would feel about the entire thing. Maybe some guys wouldn't have had a problem with being duped into having sex with a virgin, but Zach was not just “some guy.” The guilt he would've carried if he’d believed that he’d physically hurt me in any kind of way would've been immeasurable.
I knew that much about him, at least.
As soon as I heard the door snick shut, I let go of the nearly painful sound I'd been holding in from the moment Zach had realized the truth. While it felt good to finally let my emotions out, the walls were thin and the last thing I wanted was for any of my bunkmates to hear me and come check on me. So I turned around with the intention of grabbing my bathroom supplies from the closet by the door so I could retreat to the shower and hope the water would muffle the sounds of my sobs, but the second I did, I ran directly into a broad chest that I’d come to recognize all too well.
I was horrified at the possibility that Zach had heard me completely lose it after I’d thought he'd left, but before I could say anything or try to even come up with an explanation, Zach's hand curled around the back of my neck and then his mouth was once again on mine.
Shock reverberated through me for several long seconds as Zach hungrily kissed me. By the time the fog of confusion lifted away, Zach’s big body had me crowded against the wall once again. I finally managed to kiss him back, but inside I was waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Was this some kind of strange goodbye kiss? Or worse, was it a pity kiss because he felt sorry for me?
I tried to pull back enough so I could ask him any one of those questions, but my brain refused to listen to the command and I didn't blame it. The things Zach's mouth was doing to mine had to be illegal. I felt consumed—completely owned. And I had no desire to change that.
I felt practically boneless by the time Zach broke off the kiss. While I gulped down some much-needed air, Zach's mouth was trailing a path along my throat. At some point, I'd curled my fingers into the front of his shirt, probably so I could hang on to him in case he tried to walk away again. One of Zach's hands was at the small of my back while the other was pressed against the wall above my shoulder, kind of like he was trying to brace himself. Most of his body was flush with mine except for his hips. I desperately wanted to know if his erection had returned because while mine had faltered when he’d first started breaching me, my cock was very happy about his return.
Once I caught my breath, I ended up holding it all over again as I waited for whatever Zach was going to say. And I knew he would say something—he had to. Maybe all this was just some way for him to end things on a positive note before we went our separate ways. Maybe his goal was to make sure we could still have some kind of working relationship. I didn't know what was coming, but I just wanted it over with. If he’d intended this kiss to be some kind of closure for our relationship, he hadn't really succeeded. If anything, I'd mourn the loss of him even more now because this was the Zach I'd fallen in love with so long ago. This was the Zach I'd wanted to know in every possible way.
Zach's mouth returned to mine. He kissed me slowly, almost lovingly. The hand he had braced above my shoulder moved down to seek out one of my own hands. He linked our fingers and then lifted our joined hands and pressed them back against the wall. His thumb moved back and forth over the base of mine, much like his mouth was doing to my tongue.