My eyes shifted back to Oz and in that instant when he held my gaze like we were the only two people on earth, I knew.
I was in love with him.
The realization was enough to nearly send me to my knees in both despair and joy.
I was in love, and there wasn’t a goddamn thing I could do about it.
Except bleed even more when I had to walk away from him.
I forced myself to watch first Lucky and then the grooms make their way down the aisle past their closest friends and family. They were, not surprisingly, holding hands, but it was the way they leaned into each other and occasionally spoke in soft murmurs so that only they could hear that really got to me.
Once they stopped before the minister, the music ended.
“Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve gathered here tonight to witness the union of Xander and Bennett. For those of you who know these two fine young men, you know that the journey they started on together as children was always meant to lead them to this very moment. It is no great surprise that no ordinary vows can express their commitment to one another, so Xander and Bennett have chosen to speak their own. Xander, would you like to begin?”
Xander took in a deep breath and nodded. He reached for Bennett’s hands. I was close enough to see that both men were shaking.
“My Benny,” Xander said softly. That simple phrase had Bennett barely stifling a whimper. Xander let out a small laugh. “My Benny,” he repeated, before continuing. “From the moment you sat down in that swing next to me and asked me if I liked rats, I knew you were going to change my life. And I knew in that moment that it would always be you and me against the world. No matter what, right?”
Bennett let out a watery laugh. “Right,” he answered.
“We may have lost our way for a while, but we never really lost us. Even all those years without you, I still felt you by my side. No matter what peak I climbed, or what valley I ended up in, or what lake I pitched my tent by each night, you were always there. People say chance brought us back together, but we both know it was more than that. Fate, destiny, whatever you want to call it, it changed our lives from the moment it made you look out that car window at precisely the right time to see me on the playground. But you, Benny, you did the rest. Fate was our helping hand, but you’re the reason we’re standing here today. I love you, my Benny, and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life proving to you that I was worth the fight.”
Bennett let out another little sob, then tried to wipe his eyes with his sleeve. “You’re worth it, Xander,” he whispered. “So worth it.”
The two men stared at each other as the minister invited Bennett to say his vows.
“I, um, wrote all these different speeches last night, but when I went to sleep–which, by the way, we’re never sleeping apart ever again because that totally sucked…” The small crowd burst into light laughter at that, and Xander pulled Bennett’s knuckles up to his mouth and pressed a kiss against them.
“Agreed,” Xander said.
“When I went to sleep, I knew there weren’t any words I could say that would explain to the world what this moment means to me. What being able to take this next step in my life with you by my side forever means to me. So, I’ll just say this…” His voice broke and he choked back a sob before continuing in a shaky voice. “I’m so very grateful. Grateful to you for playing by my side when I was a little boy, for staying by my side even when I didn’t deserve you as a teen, for returning to my side when we became adults, and for standing by my side today as we pledge our love to each other. Most of all, I’m grateful that I get to spend my life with you by my side, through thick and thin, ups and downs, and laughter and tears. I have loved you my whole life and will continue to do so as long as I live.”
With each of Bennett’s words, Xander pulled him a little closer and I realized that whatever Bennett was saying, it meant something to the both of them. I couldn’t help but look at Oz again. I wasn’t surprised that he was watching me too. Bennett’s next words rang in my ears as I held Oz’s gaze.
“I love you not just because you see me when we’re together, but because you let me see you. And I’m going to spend the rest of my life making sure you never forget that I may have been the one to sit down next to you on that swing set, but you’re the one who chose not to let me go.”