“Oh no, you wouldn’t have to pay me,” Oz chimed in. “I, uh…” He stuttered to a halt as he looked at me again, and I felt that unfamiliar pang in my belly at the knowledge that he was once again hesitating because of me. I could practically feel him vibrating with the need to say yes.
My life would be so much easier if he said no.
I needed him to say no.
But that wasn’t what I said when Oz dropped his eyes and felt for his missing locks again. “I think we’d be incredibly lucky to get your help, Oz,” I said softly. He looked up in surprise, and I held his gaze so I could try and tell him what I couldn’t find words for. “If you have the time, that is.”
He studied me for a long time. A gamut of emotions played across his pretty face.
Uncertainty.
Nervousness.
Want.
I understood that last one the best. The designing stuff was a part of him, just like medicine was with me. But all those other emotions were there because of me, and I wanted to kick myself for how I’d treated him.
I’d let my isolation and fear drive me to this place where I’d become someone I didn’t even recognize anymore. The old me never would have lashed out at someone like I had at Oz. My entire life had been about healing people, not hurting them.
But that was what I’d done to the young man in front of me–hurt him.
And he hadn’t deserved any of it.
Oz let out a breath and said, “If you’re sure you want me.” He directed his question to Doc Sharma but kept looking at me. I barely heard Doc Sharma gush in gratitude because I was struggling to hold back my own response to Oz.
I want you, Oz. And that’s a big fucking problem.
Chapter 5
Oz
What the hell just happened and who the hell was the Oz who’d been all insecure and unsure back at the clinic? I knew I was good with design and color. Hell, after all these years modeling, I was whip-smart about contracts too–I’d had to be after years of losing my shirt to a greedy-ass agent when I’d first started in the industry. But back at the clinic, my natural inclination had been to demur and let the better-educated people handle it–no, to let Jake handle it. And that burned me up inside.
When I thought about what I wanted my life to look like, sitting on the sidelines didn’t fit anywhere in the scene.
But a dark and brooding man sure does. Preferably one with a five-o’clock shadow, moody gray eyes, and a promising bulge in his jeans.
I let out a bark of ugly laughter that sounded loud in the silence of the winter air around me. My breath came out in puffs of warm fog as I trudged up the hill to the cabin.
Trudged as in walked.
Yeah, because I’d gotten the fucking car stuck in a snowbank again. No doubt Jake would drive past it later and roll his eyes at the stupidity of the city kid. Fuck it, who cared?
Okay, so I still hadn’t figured out the winter driving thing, but that was but one tiny obstacle on the path to my new life. No way in hell was I going to let my broody neighbor be another, and never again would I sit by and act like an airhead when I knew I could contribute to a conversation. I would not let an intense pair of gray eyes knock me off my center.
As I found myself back to ruminating on the hot and cold running mysterious doctor from next door again despite my better judgement, I didn’t notice the vehicle parked in front of my cabin until I was almost on top of it. I looked up to see Bennett Crawford standing on my front porch. I’d met the good-looking lodge owner when he’d come to New York for a benefit concert and offered me his and Xander’s cabin to rent.
A decision I was seriously starting to rethink.
A whole winter holed up next to Jake the grouch?
Really?
“Hi, Oz! Glad I caught you. Wait, where’s your car? Did you walk here from town?”
I flapped my hand as if walking up the snowy mountain was no big deal. “Nah. Just walked from the turn. My car and I are having a disagreement about living on a mountain in winter. Right now, the car is winning.”
Bennett jogged down the few stairs to crane his neck down the drive. “Shit. You want me to help get it unstuck?”
I waved a hand again. “After. Right now, I need something hot to drink. Come on in.”
“You know, we have an old Jeep you can borrow for a while if you want. It’s one we use for off-roading in the summer, so it’s not fancy. But it has four-wheel drive and the heater still works. Our buddy Russ uses it sometimes during the winter, but he just got called down to Florida for a family emergency. Said he’s going to stay there while his mom has a hip replacement.”