I was on autopilot as I mopped the floor in the main part of the coffee shop. I’d agreed to cover the evening shift for Emily so she could leave early for the trip upstate to the bed and breakfast her boyfriend had arranged for them to celebrate their two-year anniversary at. When I’d asked if it was the anniversary of when they’d met or started dating or kissed for the first time, Emily had blushed and cheekily told me I wasn’t old enough to hear what exactly it was they were celebrating. I’d laughed and thanked her for the host of mental images her statement had conjured, then hugged her and told her to have fun.
As I worked, I couldn’t help but wonder if that would be me and Aiden someday— celebrating certain milestones in our relationship— everything from the standard anniversaries to the little things that would be just ours to remember and treasure. I’d already gotten in the habit of jotting down those events in my journal, including the first time Aiden had kissed me, and the amazing first morning at the beach house when we’d made love after he’d brought me a daisy and made me breakfast in bed (which we’d never actually gotten around to eating). I’d even taken to saving things like the program from the Star Trek themed fashion show that had been our first “non-date date” and the flyer from the amateur night Aiden had convinced Emily to host just so he could give me back another piece of myself. Even the daisy that Aiden had gotten me had ended up pressed between the pages of my journal.
I smiled to myself as I realized at this rate, I’d need a whole new journal to keep track of all the nice things Aiden had done for me.
But just as quickly as the thought entered my mind, reality intruded.
What the hell was I doing?
I couldn’t be planning anniversaries. I shouldn’t be saving programs and flowers to remind me of the perfect life I’d found with Aiden Vale.
There was no such thing.
Because life with me meant Aiden would lose everything. His brother would lose everything.
I could pretend all I wanted, but there would come a time when my past would intrude on my present.
Who was I kidding? It had already begun.
Last night, in fact.
As we’d been watching TV, Aiden had been flipping channels before stopping suddenly on a commercial featuring a popular line of wristwatches.
I’d nearly vomited as Billy’s face had flashed across the screen, his glittering eyes seeming to look right at me. I’d barely heard any of his lines as he’d touted the expensive watch on his wrist, because all I’d been able to focus on were his hands. I’d broken out into a cold sweat, but it hadn’t been until Aiden had mentioned something about us attending a party the watch company was throwing to celebrate Bomber Flynn’s role as their spokesman that I’d snapped out of my daze and practically shouted at Aiden that I was busy. He’d looked at me like I’d grown two heads as I’d disengaged myself from his hold and hurried from the room with the excuse that I had to use the bathroom.
I’d spent a good ten minutes trying to calm myself by splashing cold water on my face over and over. I’d barely managed to hold back my tears as I’d realized there was just no way I could stay with Aiden and risk him losing his business because of me, because that was exactly what would happen if Billy discovered I was dating Aiden.
Aiden had been waiting for me outside the bathroom and had easily accepted my excuse that I had a headache. I’d almost lost it when he’d wrapped his arms around me and kissed my forehead before telling me to go lie down and he’d bring me something for my head. I’d done as he’d said, but my good intentions had fled as soon as Aiden had crawled into bed with me and held me in his arms, urging me to go to sleep.
I’d promised myself I’d start the process of finding my own place in the morning. Between the cost of my medication and the money I’d been giving Aiden, I didn’t have much saved up, but it would be enough for a cheap room somewhere. But as soon as I’d woken up with Aiden’s strong arms wrapped around me, I’d forgotten everything but how good it felt to be held by him.
Pain lodged in my chest as I leaned heavily on the mop for a moment.
Tonight.
I’d tell Aiden tonight that it was time for me to get my own place. Maybe if I told him things were moving too fast, he’d…
He’d what?
Let me go?
Agree to take a break?
Slow things down?
I shook my head, even though I was alone. No, Aiden would take one look at me and know I was lying. Over the past several weeks, he’d become as in tune with me as I was with him.