Endlessly.
Sometimes in the park, other times aimlessly on the sidewalk with no particular destination in mind. Sleep had become an unwelcome thing, so I’d walked at night, too. There’d been no need for food, at least not regularly, anyway. And though I’d managed to go into work each day, it had been a long while since I’d actually done any work. I’d merely stared out the window, wondering where Ash was and what he was doing.
And worrying that he needed me and I wasn’t there.
In my mind, I knew the lack of sleep had done a number on my head, but I knew that wasn’t the only thing going on. Nor was it just the constant fear for Ash’s safety.
No, there’d been something else too.
A niggling in my brain that had become like some kind of tumor, slowly growing until I’d no longer been able to make sense of anything.
That noise was still there, but it had quieted enough that I could focus on the gentle staccato of Ash’s heart. It was a reminder that the man beneath me was alive and well— finally where he belonged.
Safe.
I shifted a little so I could settle my left hand on Ash’s chest, which caused him to still the fingers he’d been running up and down my spine. But when I didn’t move again, he resumed the gentle caress.
“Were you one of those kids, Aiden?” he eventually asked.
His voice did funny things to my insides, especially because his chest rumbled just a tiny bit when he spoke. “What kids?”
“The ones who think that pretending they’re asleep will keep their parents from waking them up.”
I smiled at that. “My parents were usually too busy to care if I slept the day away or not.” I turned over so I could see Ash’s face. The move had my body lying perpendicular to his, and I noticed his upper body was against the headboard. I wondered how long he’d been in that position. It occurred to me that I had no idea how long I’d been asleep for, but I also didn’t care. I was content to have these few minutes with him and pretend the outside world didn’t exist. “Were you one of those kids?” I asked. My change in position meant he was no longer stroking my back, but I barely refrained from letting out a sigh of pleasure when he began running his fingers up and down the length of my arm.
Ash shook his head. “No way. I couldn’t wait to get out of bed every morning. Even on school days.”
“Is that your way of telling me you were a little bit of a nerd?”
He smiled. “No, I didn’t say I loved getting up early just so I could go to school.” He tapped his finger on my arm. “No, see, my dad and I would toss a football back and forth each morning before school. He was a machinist and worked nights, so it was the only time we really got to spend together. On the days it was too cold to be outside, we’d go to the Y and shoot hoops. Then we’d come home and he’d cook breakfast for me and my mom. He’d head to bed, my mom would go to work, and I’d go to school.”
“What did your mom do?”
“She was a receptionist at a dental office.”
“What were they like?” I asked.
“My parents?”
I nodded.
A soft smile graced Ash’s lips. “I don’t know, they were a lot of things. Kind, patient, friendly, a little weird sometimes. They worked hard, but they never lost sight of the important things in life. They knew how to have fun. They laughed, they fought, they loved.”
“They were happy?”
“Disgustingly so,” he responded, his eyes going bright with a mix of pleasure and pain. “I was so lucky, Aiden,” he said softly. “I was so lucky to have had them for as long as I did.”
The sadness in his voice broke my heart and I reached up to caress his face. I was glad to see the bruises had started to fade, but I knew the image of him opening that door two weeks ago, covered in black and blue marks, would haunt me for the rest of my life.
“They would have been so proud of you, Ash,” I said.
He dropped his eyes and shook his head. “I’m not so sure about that.”
I gently gripped his chin and forced him to look at me. “I am sure.”
He studied me for a long time as his fingers continued to play with my arm. His other hand came up to push my hair off my forehead. “Don’t ever do that to me again, okay, Aiden?” he whispered. “Don’t ever get that lost again.”
I sighed and nodded my head because I didn’t really know what to say. It was hard to promise something I still didn’t understand myself.