I was glad when she didn’t ask me to confirm the statement. I hadn’t even really realized until this very moment that she was absolutely right. I had taken the job for the money and what it would mean for me, but from the moment she’d called me “honey” as soon as I’d walked through the door this morning, I’d felt something else too. The warm affection of a friend— something I didn’t want to think too much about.
I couldn’t afford to.
Because I’d been wrong about that kind of stuff before and in a big way.
I was still paying for it.
I couldn’t be the friend she wanted, but maybe there were things besides a potential source of income that I could test out while I was here. Maybe I could see how much of myself I’d really lost to Billy.
“So, I’ll see you tomorrow?” Emily asked as she stood, leaving the tip money plus my IOU and fifteen dollars behind.
I nodded.
She turned to go. “Emily,” I whispered. Fear engulfed my body, as I was about to break yet another one of Billy’s rules. “Would you… would you call me Ash, please?” I asked.
If she thought the request odd, she didn’t comment on it. Instead, she smiled and said, “Yes, Ash, I will. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow,” I murmured with a nod of my head. My words to Aiden came back to haunt me.
Fuck, I actually was looking forward to it… tomorrow.
When was the last time that had happened?
I still had a chance at this. I didn’t understand it, but I still had a chance. I’d stopped believing in God a long time ago, but I still found myself shooting anyone who might be upstairs watching over me a prayer of thanks that Emily had decided to keep me on… for whatever reason.
And the name thing… holy shit, what had I been thinking? Billy would be so pissed if he found out about that. He absolutely hated the name “Ash”— said it made me sound like a girl. So he’d started calling me Ashton, though no one had ever called me that when I was a kid. I suspected if he could have figured out a way to manage it, he’d have had me change my name altogether.
I snuggled deeper into my coat as a few snowflakes began to fall around me. Just as I turned to cross at the crosswalk, my phone buzzed with a text.
Billy: Where are you right now?
I felt the familiar shot of nerves hit my gut, but then I let out a sigh of relief, remembering he was in California. I thought about responding that I was at home in the apartment. But something kept me from the lie. I had a right to be walking on the street by myself in the middle of the day, for god’s sake.
Ashton: Walking down the block on the way home. Why?
Billy: There’s something for you at the apartment.
I felt my heart flutter with traitorous hope, which was ridiculous. I’d been down this road so many times before and learned this lesson the hard way over and over.
None of his sweet gestures made up for the pain.
Ashton: Be there in five mins or less. I’ll text when I get it.
I made my way into the building and up to my place, still looking down at my phone. When I got to the door, it was already cracked open and there was no delivery waiting for me.
“Hello?” I asked tentatively, walking into the empty space.
“Hey, sweetheart,” Billy said with a huge grin, stepping out from the bedroom.
My heart shot out a trill of shock at the sight of him here in New York, instead of safely distant on the West Coast.
“Hey,” I began slowly, mentally cataloguing any possible clue on my person that would betray my newfound job and plans. Thankfully, I’d left the apron at the coffee shop. “What… what are you doing here? I thought you had to fly out?” I hoped like hell my question had sounded more surprised than accusatory.
He brought a giant bouquet of roses out from behind his back with a flourish. “I decided to surprise you. I felt bad for having to rush out of here so fast yesterday and leaving things the way I did. I was stressed about my meeting and shouldn’t have taken it out on you like that. Forgive me?”
I clenched my jaw, still having a hard time wrapping my head around his presence. Part of me felt wholly cheated. Cheated out of my newfound sense of self and freedom. I’d only gotten one tiny taste of it, but it had been enough to know I wanted more.
“So, you’re staying?” I asked, stalling for time in hopes I could get up the nerve to say to him what I really wanted to say.